The Second Midnight Sun
by Liz1212
Summary: My name is Edward Cullen. Many of you threw yourselves down stairs when Stephenie Meyers stopped writing the first Midnight Sun. Well this is my story, and this is where the first book left off...
1. Complications Part 1

To all Twilight/Twi-hard fans: I do not own the subject that I write about and I must say that a lot of these words are Stephenie's and I did not steal them, but I did this to make my version just as realistic as hers. I wanted Edward to be Edward, but MY version of Edward. I picked the story back up from Twilight Chapter 11 Complications, page: 226. And I am obviously not going to do every chapter, so if you have any specific chapters you would like me to do (In all four books), then please tell me. Hope you like it.

Chapter 12: Complications

How could we find any peace with a monster like me? Yes that is right, a monster. Bella may never see me as such, but that did not dilute the fact that I could kill her just as easily as I could knock down a tree.

I cringed when visions of Bella's fragile body lying in my arms created a burning sensation in my throat. "_No, there will be no mistakes," _I kept chanting the mantra in my head, "_Bella is too fragile for her own good, though she does not think so."_

I smiled as I imagined the crease in her forehead becoming more pronounced, her eyes narrowing, and her delicate, soft lips frowning whenever she thought of her as being someone so fragile and delicate.

Though she may not think so, she is just as delicate as a butterfly. But does the butterfly know just how delicate its wings are? That if it turns the wrong way, surely its wings with rip, and then what? How will the butterfly continue to survive if it cannot fly? Will it find shelter before a predator comes and devours it?

Whether Bella may realize it or not, I can crush her jaw if I do not control my hand and touch her cheek. It seems that the very breath that I breathe will break her just as easily as my hand. While the butterfly has the sense to hide from the hungry predator, Bella does not seem to have the sense to hide from me.

As she should!

I may want to protect her, but that does not mean that I am not dangerous.

I sighed as I parked the car in the garage, ignoring Rosalie's continuous tirade as she worked under hers, _"Idiot. Imbecile. Moron."_

When I walked in the door, Emmett was motionless, muscles tense, and he was staring intently at the T.V. The Florida gators were playing against the Louisiana Tigers; the gators were winning. _"C'mon, one more minute and all Jeff Driskel needs to do-"_

Night could not come soon enough. I sat down at the piano and ran my hand across the keys, and instantly started to play that lullaby I could not run away from. In a few short hours she would be asleep and I would be at peace.

_"Edward,"_ Alice's undeniable voice rang, _"Be careful tonight, Bella is not going to sleep well."_

I saw the vision in her head of Bella tossing and turning, eventually waking up every couple of hours.

_"I will not stay too long tonight, then."_ I agreed with myself, as if that would actually happen!

I slowed my playing, "Thanks."

"_Poor guy,"_ Emmett thought, his eyes still on the game as I got up and ran towards her house; the night holding no barriers for me.

Even though he and Rose had been married for more than several decades, he could never understand how-how irresistible Bella's blood was. And the love I felt for her was a love that was unique to our kind. It rarely happened, and when it did, it was unbreakable.

Bella was so breakable and I was not; it was a difference that threatens to shatter her every time I am near her. Though her skin is paler than any human I've come into contact with, she is not one of us.

And if I have anything to do about it, she will never know what it is like to feel the powerful emotions, to feel the doubt and the uncontrollable guilt the first time you kill someone, the undeniable thirst radiating throughout every vampire's body.

It was a thirst that led many to kill our own kind, and many to lose our sanity over.

I scaled the wall of her house in a matter of minutes, the scent radiating throughout her room was intoxicating just like the first time I met her. Though her scent is easier to breath than the first time, it is a part of her that reminds me every second that she is not dead and I have yet to make a mistake.

I froze as Bella kicked her sheets; just as Alice predicted, Bella did not sleep well.

Her hair was tossed across her pillow as she turned in her sleep and the creases in her forehead had returned. Whatever she was dreaming about it wasn't pleasant.

"No I have to stay," She whimpered as I settled into the rocking chair.

Her lips pouted and trembled as if she were crying. I felt restricted knowing there was nothing I could do while she slept. "But it's too green and wet."

I fought back a chuckle, she was dreaming about Forks.

"Too green," She sighed, burying her face in her pillows. Then she started to toss and turn in her bed, kicking off the covers onto the floor. I wanted to pick them back up, but soon afterwards she abruptly woke up. I flashed to the other side of her bedroom door, waiting until I heard her slowed breathing and mumbling.

As I settled back into the chair, I wondered what would happen if she found me here, watching her while she slept.

Would she be traumatized?

I doubt it. Knowing Bella, she would never act so… normal.

I sighed softly.

This happened several times throughout the night; I could see circles starting to appear under her eyes as morning slowly crawled past the tree line.

I decided it was time to leave when the skyline turned from a black, morbid color to the gray that held no promises for the sun. I was back at the house and into a fresh pair of clothing before it was time to leave.

"_It's supposed to be sunny Saturday. Good enough weather to…"_ Alice's voice trailed off as I watched the scene play out on its own. The meadow I want to take Bella to will be the perfect place to show her what I truly am.

The danger, the speed, all of it. I do not want anymore secrets between us. She will know my secrets soon enough, including my family's. Knowing her, her reactions will be different than anyone else's. So far there have been no screams to speak of.

I got in the car and soon pulled up in front of her house. I heard her run down her stairs before she opened her front door and walked quickly to the other side of the car.


	2. Complications Part 2

To all Twilight/Twi-hard fans: I do not own the subject that I write about and I must say that a lot of these words are Stephenie's and I did not steal them, but I did this to make my version just as realistic as hers. I wanted Edward to be Edward, but MY version of Edward. I picked the story back up from Twilight Chapter 11 Complications, page: 226. And I am obviously not going to do every chapter, so if you have any specific chapters you would like me to do (In all four books), then please tell me. Hope you like it.

Chapter 12: Complications

How could we find any peace with a monster like me? Yes that is right, a monster. Bella may never see me as such, but that did not dilute the fact that I could kill her just as easily as I could knock down a tree.

I cringed when visions of Bella's fragile body lying in my arms created a burning sensation in my throat. "_No, there will be no mistakes," _I kept chanting the mantra in my head, "_Bella is too fragile for her own good, though she does not think so."_

I smiled as I imagined the crease in her forehead becoming more pronounced, her eyes narrowing, and her delicate, soft lips frowning whenever she thought of her as being someone so fragile and delicate.

Though she may not think so, she is just as delicate as a butterfly. But does the butterfly know just how delicate its wings are? That if it turns the wrong way, surely its wings with rip, and then what? How will the butterfly continue to survive if it cannot fly? Will it find shelter before a predator comes and devours it?

Whether Bella may realize it or not, I can crush her jaw if I do not control my hand and touch her cheek. It seems that the very breath that I breathe will break her just as easily as my hand. While the butterfly has the sense to hide from the hungry predator, Bella does not seem to have the sense to hide from me.

As she should!

I may want to protect her, but that does not mean that I am not dangerous.

I sighed as I parked the car in the garage, ignoring Rosalie's continuous tirade as she worked under hers, _"Idiot. Imbecile. Moron."_

When I walked in the door, Emmett was motionless, muscles tense, and he was staring intently at the T.V. The Florida gators were playing against the Louisiana Tigers; the gators were winning. _"C'mon, one more minute and all Jeff Driskel needs to do-"_

Night could not come soon enough. I sat down at the piano and ran my hand across the keys, and instantly started to play that lullaby I could not run away from. In a few short hours she would be asleep and I would be at peace.

"Edward," Alice's undeniable voice rang, "Be careful tonight, Bella is not going to sleep well."

I saw the vision in her head of Bella tossing and turning, eventually waking up every couple of hours.

_"I will not stay too long tonight, then."_ I agreed with myself, as if that would actually happen!

I slowed my playing, "Thanks."

"_Poor guy,"_ Emmett thought, his eyes still on the game as I got up and ran towards her house; the night holding no barriers for me.

Even though he and Rose had been married for more than several decades, he could never understand how-how irresistible Bella's blood was. And the love I felt for her was a love that was unique to our kind. It rarely happened, and when it did, it was unbreakable.

Bella was so breakable and I was not; it was a difference that threatens to shatter her every time I am near her. Though her skin is paler than any human I've come into contact with, she is not one of us.

And if I have anything to do about it, she will never know what it is like to feel the powerful emotions, to feel the doubt and the uncontrollable guilt the first time you kill someone, the undeniable thirst radiating throughout every vampire's body.

It was a thirst that led many to kill our own kind, and many to lose our sanity over.

I scaled the wall of her house in a matter of minutes, the scent radiating throughout her room was intoxicating just like the first time I met her. Though her scent is easier to breath than the first time, it is a part of her that reminds me every second that she is not dead and I have yet to make a mistake.

I froze as Bella kicked her sheets; just as Alice predicted, Bella did not sleep well.

Her hair was tossed across her pillow as she turned in her sleep and the creases in her forehead had returned. Whatever she was dreaming about it wasn't pleasant.

"No I have to stay," She whimpered as I settled into the rocking chair.

Her lips pouted and trembled as if she were crying. I felt restricted knowing there was nothing I could do while she slept. "But it's too green and wet."

I fought back a chuckle, she was dreaming about Forks.

"Too green," She sighed, burying her face in her pillows. Then she started to toss and turn in her bed, kicking off the covers onto the floor. I wanted to pick them back up, but soon afterwards she abruptly woke up. I flashed to the other side of her bedroom door, waiting until I heard her slowed breathing and mumbling.

As I settled back into the chair, I wondered what would happen if she found me here, watching her while she slept.

Would she be traumatized?

I doubt it. Knowing Bella, she would never act so… normal.

I sighed softly.

This happened several times throughout the night; I could see circles starting to appear under her eyes as morning slowly crawled past the tree line.

I decided it was time to leave when the skyline turned from a black, morbid color to the gray that held no promises for the sun. I was back at the house and into a fresh pair of clothing before it was time to leave.

"_It's supposed to be sunny Saturday. Good enough weather to…"_ Alice's voice trailed off as I watched the scene play out on its own. The meadow I want to take Bella to will be the perfect place to show her what I truly am.

The danger, the speed, all of it. I do not want anymore secrets between us. She will know my secrets soon enough, including my family's. Knowing her, her reactions will be different than anyone else's. So far there have been no screams to speak of.

I got in the car and soon pulled up in front of her house. I heard her run down her stairs before she opened her front door and walked quickly to the other side of the car.

She looked radiant today with her blue sweater that hugged her neck and shoulders so delicately. I wonder how many questions I should ask her today. Like most things about her, my hunger for information was rarely quenched. There was nothing that I didn't want to know; everything about her interested me.

Her face flushed before she opened the door and stepped into the car. I smiled as her scent radiated throughout the car once again. Though the taste of venom in my mouth was usual and thirst clawed down my throat, I hardly noticed it anymore.

She smiled back when I said, "Good morning. How are you today?"

My eyes roamed over her face which had obvious circles underneath her eyes. Maybe tonight she would get better sleep. Maybe tonight if I was not around to watch.

Maybe her body was telling her there was danger nearby. Though, it would be the first time her body has done such a thing.

"Good, thank you," She answered politely, her eyes roaming over my face as well.

I stared at her dark circles again, "You look tired."

"Don't mention the fact that you were at her house all night," I reminded myself.

She chewed her lip as if deliberating whether to tell me or not, unfortunately I already knew the answer, "I couldn't sleep."

When she moved her hair so that her neck was no longer showing, a wave of heat hit me.

I smiled, glad that the temptation wasn't nearly as strong as it used to be, "Neither could I." I started the car and reluctantly headed to school.

She laughed, it was a sound I rather liked, "I guess that's right. I supposed I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager you did," How I wish I could dream of her just once.

"So what did you do last night?" She asked, obviously forgetting that today I was asking all of the questions.

"Well I could tell her that I was at her house watching her all night. That might scare her. Then again, maybe I should."

I chuckled, "Not a chance. It's my day to ask the questions."

She bit her lip before responding, "Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" She sounded bored, as if she couldn't think of anything I wouldn't want to know.

"What's your favorite color?" She was always a mystery, and even though this was a simple question, I know I'd be surprised by her answer.

She deliberated for a moment, "Probably brown."

I snorted, ´"Brown?"

Of all the colors, why brown? "Well, this certainly was a color you had not been expecting, Edward."

"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," She ranted, obviously feeling what she said was true.

I considered it for a moment, then replayed her talking last night while she slept, _"But it's to green and wet."_ And she was right, everywhere I have been there has been brown trees and dirt you can see, but here there is never a shortage of moss and greenery.

I came to a realization.

"You're right. Brown is warm." I reached over cautiously: I had to be in complete control of myself as I brushed her soft hair off her shoulders. I wanted to see her neck that was so cautiously hiding beneath her hair.

By the time we were at school, I had another question I wanted to ask her, "What music is in your CD player right now?" Of course, she might ask me how I knew she had a CD player. I did not think she was a particular fan of metal, but as always, I was surprised.

When she told me the band I smiled and pulled out the exact same CD. Her cheeks lit up as she examined it, keeping her eyes down.

For the rest of the day, I continued to ask her questions about her pets, her favorite movies, favorite books, and every single time she answered I was fascinated more and more with this woman who had captivated my heart so fully. She was unlike anyone I had met before and because of this, I wondered what she would say next.

When I asked her her favorite gemstone, she blushed a deep crimson red that looked so lovely against her pale skin when she answered garnet, but did not give a reason why. I tried coercing her into telling me why she blushed like so. I tried using my ability to _dazzle_ by looking into her eyes, but she continued to look down at her fidgeting hands

"Tell me," I said, curiosity raging in every word.

"What could it be that she would not want to tell me?"

Finally, she surrendered with a sigh, "It's the color of your eyes today. I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx," She sounded guilty as if she just revealed a secret she did not want to share with me. She looked up into my eyes for a brief second before returning back to her hands.

My dead heart soared at the thought of her favorite stones being the color of my eyes. It brought much more joy than it ought to. It was dangerous to feel such joy, and yet, I felt it none the less.

Then I started with my tirade of questions before we had to go to class and sit through another hour of the same movie we have been watching. I wanted very much to touch her as the lights went out, but I felt that that would be very dangerous in itself.

I moved my desk away from hers, knowing she noticed when her eyes darted over towards the space between us.

_"It is for the best,"_ I told myself as the movie began.

Though, I could feel the undeniable electric current that flowed between us. I wanted to touch her, just to stroke her arm with my cold fingertips. I folded my arms once again because I knew no mistakes could be made where this girl was concerned.

When the movie ended, I stood, knowing that the time while she was in gym was a time I dreaded the most. As we walked to her next class, I was suddenly overcome with the urge to gently touch her cheek and caress her jaw.

I ignored Newton who was practically yelling his thoughts in the back of my head. "What the Hell is his problem anyway, acting like he wants to eat her. If I were him I'd already-"

I grinded my teeth when the explicit visuals rushed into my head. Newton needed to learn some manners, and as much as I would like to teach them to him, I knew that would frighten Bella.

I was fighting a war inside as I looked down at her rosy cheeks and her doe-like eyes that stare up at me with innocence.

"Just one touch wouldn't hurt," I fought with my selfish side, "If I could touch her before, surely I wouldn't hurt her."

She was a fragile as a rose petal; one wrong touch could destroy her, or in the very least break her jaw. My whole body stiffened at the thought of Bella being broken by my very hands.

_"No! There will be no mistakes,"_ I said as my hand began to yearn for the touch of her soft skin.

As I slowly began to reach towards her face, the moment my hands caressed her soft cheek, I started to envision what couldn't be done yesterday, and what could happen today.

But I wanted to touch her lips, feel the heat radiating off of her cheeks.

"No!," my mind screamed and protested as my hands became greedier and ventured toward her jaw, "It's not about what you want! How long would I be able to allow yourself to touch her, to continue to put her in danger?"

Finally, I regained control of my body and once again, pulled my hand away from her face, turning quickly away from her as I headed towards Spanish class. I saw her confused, yet flushed cheeks through the minds of other people as she wandered into the locker room.


	3. Complications Part 3

The end of the day would not come soon enough. Even as I watched Bella through another's eyes while she was in gym, the minutes continued to tick by slowly.

My thoughts drifted back towards earlier when I touched her face. How long will it be till she becomes disgusted with the feeling of my cold hand on her smooth skin? I know the danger me even being near her has, so why can't I seem to stay away from her?

Surely, if she asked me to, I would. But I doubt she ever will.

She is as engulfed in this as I am; we have a better chance of being struck by lightning then pulling away from each other now. I do not want to be away from her. Yet, I would not forgive myself if somehow I was careless and ended up hurting her.

I flinched at the thought of crushing her weak, fragile bones.

"_Kid, you have a weird look on your face."_ Emmett commented as my thoughts took a turn for the unsafe.

I rearranged my facial features as I paid more attention to Bella's clumsiness in gym than my own wretched thoughts.

Today, nothing out of the ordinary happened, though I winced when I saw Bella fall into Mike. Though I do not care about Mike, I was glad he was there to break her fall.

When the bell rang, I was outside of the gym, waiting for Bella and having the pleasure to grin at Mike, who was, once again, wishing death upon me.

When I saw Bella a weight was lifted off my shoulders and immediately, my dead heart started to beat. Her cheeks were flushed as she walked slowly towards me; curiosity was hidden beneath her deep brown eyes. I'm sure she wondered what questions I had in store for her next.

So I continued with questions about her home in Phoenix. I knew from her sleep-talking at night that she missed her mom, and the warmth the sun brought most of the year. I wanted to know where she lived, what kind of house she lived in, who her friends were, anything that could bring me closer to knowing everything and anything about her.

Everything she described, everything she said was a new piece of information that helped me to understand her. There were many things that surprised me.

The fact that she did not have any male lovers before she came here was a shock to me. I did not full-heartedly believe it, considering how many males here were vying for her attention.

We were already parked in front of her house, the clouds were starting to turn darker when she said, "Are you finished?"

She sounded relieved to think that my questions might have ended. But like most things about her, my thirst is insatiable.

"Not even close – but your father will be home soon." At some point I was going to be properly introduced to her father, but not today.

"Charlie!" She exclaimed as if she remembered he in fact existed.

I smiled, I rather liked the fact that when she talked to me she thought about nothing else. I'm not surprised that it was easy to get lost in our conversations.

"How late is it?" She wondered, her eyes glance at the clock and widening when she realized just how late it was. We'd been talking for quite some time, and yet, it somehow did not seem long enough.

"It's twilight," I looked out the window into the blanket of rain clouds that hid the receding sun. The night would soon spring upon us and then I will be back again to see her.

A part of me wondered what she would talk about tonight. Would she sleep well, or would the circles she still had under her eyes darken?

A part of me wondered if her body was trying to adjust to the new path she traveled down. To the new dangers she is starting to face.

I found her looking at me with curiosity burning in her eyes. I'm sure she wondered why I felt so comfortable in the dark, "It's the safest time of day for us," I explained, "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?"

Yes, in the light, we have to try to blend in with the rest of society. We were constantly on alert for anyone who might suspect that we are something more than we say we are. Where we live is the only place we can actually _be_ and not have to worry about who's watching. Twilight is the time of day predators come out and hunt the innocent.

I wonder what would happen if I asked Bella to remain indoors from now on. I'm sure she would not be happy with this request. I'm sure she would think that I was being too possessive. And in a way I am.

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars. Not that you can see them here much."

_"Can't wait to get home and eat what Bella made," _A voice in the night rang through the air. Of course, only I heard Chief Swan's thoughts, but I was sure Bella did not want me to meet him just yet.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday."

I silently hoped that she would tell him, but that was only hoping.

"Thanks, but no thanks," she paused after gathering her books, "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not! I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

She looked at me skeptically, "What more is there?"

"You'll find out tomorrow," I reached across her to open her door, then stopped.

Though Bella could not see his truck, I certainly could and I knew well that Billy Black could see mine.

"_What is a Cullen doing here? And with Bella? Hmm, maybe I should tell Charlie, I'm sure he would want to know."_

_"I can't wait to see Bella again, she looks a lot prettier than when we were kids."_ That last thought was from Billy's son, Jacob. He was innocent enough and did not know what was happening, but Billy knew well who and _what_ I was. I would have to be more careful from now on.

"Not good," I muttered.

"What is it?"

I looked at her concerned face, trying to guess what was upsetting me, "Another complication."

I threw the door open as Billy's car drove in beside mine; I could hear Charlie's thoughts getting closer.

"Charlie's around the corner," I said, knowing she would not want to explain this to her father.

_"You better be wary, Cullen. You better make no mistakes with her." Billy_'s warning ran through my head and I sped out of there as fast as I could, knowing Charlie was just a block away.


	4. Balancing Part 1

This is chapter 12 Balancing, and it starts on Page 252, and I did not want to write about how Bella talked to her father into believing she was staying home. That part is no fun, so… I am just starting in the middle of the chapter.

Chapter 12: Balancing

I was very nervous after I left Bella's peaceful and sleeping form. Though, tonight she barely spoke, sleeping as if she were under medication's spell.

It gave me much time to reminisce what was about to take place in a couple of hours. Surely she would be surprised once I took her to our meadow. Surprised perhaps, but certainly not afraid.

I smiled once I mulled it over again. Our meadow, surely I would take her back again if she was in fact not as terrified as I hope she'd be.

This time of year, the wildflowers would be in bloom and the ground would be dry so we would not be walking in mud. The leaves on the trees would create a barrier that would make it seem like we were the only people there. There would be no traffic, no signs of human life, and if there happened to be a stray human, I would make sure we would stay far enough away so that we would not be disturbed.

Still, I could not help but see the danger there was in being alone with her with no one but my family to know that we were there.

Surely, Alice would warn me if she saw that I was going to lose control, or that Bella would be terrified.

I sighed quietly, I could not bear staying away from her now, but that did not ease my guilty conscious.

"_Run Bella, there's still time to run. I won't stop you_."

No, I definitely would not stop her, but I am afraid that she was as ensnared in this as I was. We were both flies trapped in the same web; unable to get out, but unwilling to escape.

I left early in the morning, knowing that I would miss nothing. I wanted some time to get prepared and to check with Alice to make sure that nothing unexpected was going to happen.

When I arrived back at the house, Carlisle, Rosalie, and Esme were out hunting; Alice was waiting for my on the front steps.

"I saw nothing out of the ordinary happening today," She said confidently, running through today's events like an itinerary.

I should not be surprised that Bella would take all of this so calmly, but I am none the less. She should be a rational human being with senses that told her what a danger I was, but instead all of her reactions were the opposite of what they should be.

Alice also saw something else that peaked my attention. It was something that I was going to have to tell the entire family.

"_Let me leave first,_" Alice muttered as she ran up the stairs.

I sighed, knowing I should probably tell them sooner rather than later, but I will let the day pass before I worry about telling them later tonight.

I changed my clothes, making sure I wore a button-down shirt, but otherwise, not caring about what I looked like.

Before I left, I found Jasper and Emmett playing their board game again, though Jasper's mind was elsewhere.

He was deciding whether to go hunting tonight or not. Even he knew his own limits, yet he continued to try to push past it.

I knew that it could be done. But at what cost?

I did it with Bella, and every single day I control the hunger that waits patiently to devour her whole.

I was lucky.

I don't have to worry about my cravings taking control of me like Jasper does. For him, if he lost control even once, the aftermath could be catastrophic. It is something that we have dealt with before, something that can be managed, but what would I do if Bella was the scent he longed for?

The question is, what wouldn't I do?

He put down his piece looked up as soon as he felt my mood change, "_Is something on your mind?"_

He and Emmett both looked at me.

"You two must think I am out of my mind for allowing Bella to come into close contact with us."

"No more than usual," Emmett muttered.

"I just don't understand, if what you say is exact, why you can control yourself when smelling her blood which is so potent?" Jasper wondered, he sifted through the memories of humans he has come into contact with and seeing not even a tenth of the appeal Bella's blood holds for me.

"I can't stand to be away from her, Jasper. And today I am going to show her what I look like in the sun."

Emmett stiffened, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I'm not sure, but then again, I'm not sure about anything anymore. But I wanted to know has anything ever compared to the thirst that Bella's blood causes me to have?

I knew what Jasper's answer was; because he hunted humans for so long, he never was able to have the ability to differ another's smell from the next.

Though Emmett recalled two times he smelled a human's blood even comparable to Bella's and in both cases, he was not able to control himself. He told me the thirst that overpowered him in an instant, and when that instant was over, both humans were dead and he was left with the agony of knowing that he killed an innocent human.

He never wanted to admit that he was guilty about it, and though every single day he tried to get over that fact it still plagued him to this day.

Which left me to think: If Emmett could not control his violent urges, why can I? Was I stronger than him? What was it that made me not want to kill her? That prevented me from killing her?

These were stupid questions, but maybe there were answers that did not tie Emmett to his victims.

He did not know, nor did he care for Mary Donvia who just happened to be walking in his direction at the wrong time. Even though he had been with us for quite some time, he was still very new to resisting his urges. When Emmett killed, he did not think about us, or Rosalie, or about that woman and her family.

All he could do was _feel_.

Feel the venom run down his throat. Feel the power of a thousand year old curse run through his veins as he let it control him. All he wanted to do as he bite down into her soft flesh was feel the blood running down his throat.

These are things that I have felt towards Bella. But these are a lot of things that I have managed to control.


	5. Balancing Part 2

As I ran over to her house I thought to myself, "I am with her because I love her and because I could not live with myself if I ever hurt her. If I did hurt her, I would happily kill myself afterwards." I thought grimly to myself.

I softly knocked on the door, knowing that just seeing her will lighten my grim mood.

I listened as she ran down her stairs and listened to her slow, steady heartbeat. It was as if it did not recognize that Bella was going to spend the day with a monster.

When she opened the door, almost instantaneously my dark mood lifted like the clouds overhead and when I looked at her clothing, I chuckled.

"Good morning," I found much humor in the fact that we thought about wearing the same clothing today.

"What's wrong?" She looked down as if looking to see if she left anything important, like pants or shoes.

"We match," I laughed, finding even more humor as her cheeks flushed.

I turned as she locked her door and put the key under the mat.

As she walked, she almost tripped several times just getting to the car door. "_Maybe if I compromised with her, I will be able to drive."_I thought as a million possibilities of us crashing invaded my mind.

She looked at me smugly as if guessing what I was dreading, "We made a deal," She reminded me in a way that regretted allowing her to make that deal with me.

After she unlocked the passenger door she said, "Where to?"

"Put your seat belt on – I'm nervous already," I commanded, which made her give me a dirty look.

"Where to?" She asked once her seatbelt was wrapped around her delicate shoulders.

"Take the one-oh-one north," I just wanted to get there as soon as possible without any accidents or any traffic. Luckily, it seemed that the road was clear today.

I mentally groaned when I saw the truck was barely passing fifty miles per hour, "Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" If we were going to go this slow, then maybe I should run her all the way home.

But soon enough, the houses started to dwindle and the forest became more pronounced; I told her to turn right, "Now we drive until the pavement ends."

I was excited by the fact that she would soon see me without the façade.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" She wondered.

"A trail," I knew well that she would not be in the slightest bit happy to know that we would be venturing off the beaten path.

Of course, I would catch her whenever she fell, but that did not mean that she would feel any better. I would be sure to make an adequate path for her to make sure she didn't fall.

We would be hiking in the center of the forest located outside of our meadow; I am positive it will take us several hours to get there, seeing how slow and unstable Bella is on her feet already. But to add roots add fallen leaves will be a bit more challenging.

"We're hiking?" Her voice slightly rose a note as she considered the fact that she would have to be walking on unsteady ground.

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry," I tried to understand her complex thinking. If only falling over logs was the only she had to worry about.

As I looked at her, I tried to imagine what she was thinking, though her rapid heartbeat was giving away her thoughts without meaning to.

"What are you thinking?" I wanted to know if she was indeed thinking about how hard of a time she will have climbing through the forest.

"Just wondering where we're going," she responded, though her heartbeat was irregular and did not match with what she said.

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice."

"Charlie said it would be warm today."

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I knew she did not, though I wished she did. I knew that she would not want to tell Charlie about me just yet. But maybe soon.

"Nope," She answered simply; but I was glad that Jessica knew she was with me.

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" The thought of another human knowing that she was with me gave me another incentive to bring her home.

"No, I told her you canceled on me – which is true."

Impossible.

"No one knows you're with me?" Why did she try to tempt fate as much as she did? Did she court trouble just to see how close to the flame she could get?

"That depends… I assume you told Alice?"

"That's very helpful Bella. Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?"

She bit her lip after a second, as if wondering whether she will regret her next statement.

"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly," she said and all of my suspicions were confirmed.

She was trying to play games with trouble by worrying about whether us being here together would be more trouble for _me!_

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_ if _you_ don't come _home_?"

She nodded, not wanting to see the look of disgust on my face.

"You would think that you'd be a little more cautious after everything you've been through," I muttered quickly so she could only understand the tone of disapproval rolling off my tongue.

I kept silent for the rest of the trip, watching the trees growing thicker and more plentiful the further along the path we drove. Soon we would be at the trail where we would walk the five miles.

Is she really afraid of walking five miles, or is she afraid of being with me? I'm sure she would have made an excuse if she did not _want_ to be with me.

Then again, Bella has been known to make some unwise and dangerous decisions; decisions that would have left many others dead on their unstable path.

When she stopped the truck, I removed my sweater and unbuttoned my shirt, knowing that soon enough the sun will shining down on me.

_"No mistakes, no regrets,"_ I told myself as I started to walk towards the woods, "This way."

I looked back to make sure she was going to follow.


	6. Balancing Part 3

If only she would comprehend that fact that she was going to be in the forest alone with a monster. With no one but myself to stop me if I lost to the thirst raging inside of me even as I faced away from her.

I started to walk towards the forest when she responded, her voice tight with panic, "The trail?"

I did not turn as she caught up to me, "I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

"No trail?" Her anxiety was somewhat funny; did she think something _bad_ would happen to her while I was here? Or maybe she was entirely worried by the fact that I was going to be the only being with her.

"I won't let you get lost," I turned and smiled at her, surprised by her reaction when she gasped, her eyes wide with, not fear, but _wonder._

She stared at me with curiosity, which soon turned to despair that haunted her eyes. Her eyes looked over my body and her mouth was set in a tight line as if the mere sight of me caused her pain.

I did not want to be the reason for her pain, for her tortured expression, "Do you want to go home?"

Although, I truly did not _want_ her to go home, I certainly understood her reasoning if she did.

"No," Her voice wavered, but she kept walking towards me.

"What's wrong?" I did not want to scare her more than she already was.

Was something that I had done that caused her to make such an expression?

She answered drily, "I'm not a good hike. You'll have to be very patient."

"I can be patient," I thought over my last statement, "if I make a great effort."

I thought I was patient before Bella came and disrupted my way of life. I _used_ to be so sure of my way of life, like everything was set in stone. I had been fine with that up until the point where Bella entered my life.

But not knowing what she's thinking, the reasoning for her thinking has always been a little disconcerting. If only her thinking process was _normal_ and rational like most humans. Then I would be able to do more than guess the reasoning behind her sighs, or why she looks at me like she is frightened _for _me.

She failed miserably when she tried forcing herself to smile.

"I'll take you home," I promised, knowing that I should take her home _now_ rather than later, but also knowing that I could not bring myself to do so.

She must be afraid of what I am capable of, of the monster that I am. I did not want to push her too much, but so far she was not running away.

Suddenly, her expression changed rather stubbornly, "If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," her tone was acidic and burned against my throat.

I looked at her, trying to gauge what was making her so upset, but one moment after the other came and I still could not find a rational reasoning. I finally gave up and led the way into the forest.

Though, we walked through the forest, I made sure we walked along a flat area where it would be… less likely for her to fall down. Not impossible, just less likely.

Though, every time she did fall, I was stricken with sadness that I could not help her sooner. There were not scratches on her, but that only meant I would have to be more careful.

While we walked, I held ferns away from her delicate face. I guided my hands along her arms, I felt the warmth that radiated throughout my arms. The tingling sensation lasted even after I stopped touching her. It was a sensation I never wanted to stop feeling.

It was this sensation that made me feel… human.

The sun started to peak through the dense foliage, but not enough that it would give away the reflection off my skin before we reached the meadow.

Soon, after several hours of hiking and falling through the brush and scaring away most of the animals who lingered back just from the scent of me, we were coming closer and closer to our destination.

"Are we there yet?" A teasing scowl appeared on Bella's face.

I'm glad she is in a better mood than when we first started.

"Nearly. Do you see the brightness ahead?"

The brightest that was all too soon becoming brighter. All too soon we would see what she truly thought of me.

She squinted through the thick foliage, "Um, should I?"

I forgot her eyes were nothing like mine, "Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist," I smiled even wider at that comment; I liked the fact that she took this rather lightly. That she was going to see the monster in his full glory did not bother her in the slightest _should_ have bothered me, but it didn't.

It made my dead heart soar.

Soon we were at the meadow and I could not tell from her small gasp whether she thought it was as beautiful as I did. Nothing could compare to her beauty, even when she was standing next to Mother Nature herself.

The wild flowers were all in bloom this time of year, yet the grass was not even knee high, so there were no dangerous snakes hiding amongst them. They weren't dangerous for me so much as they could kill Bella if I was not paying attention.

I sighed softly; if that was the only thing we had to worry about.

Bella stepped backwards and motioned me to follow her. I wasn't sure if I should. But the very look on her face said otherwise.

"_Taking a risk is good every once in a while,"_ I could hear Emmett's voice ringing through my head.

I took a step forward even though I knew a mistake can be made when a risk is first started.


	7. Confessions Part 1

This is Chapter 13 Confessions. Sorry this took a little bit longer to write, I caught a virus and it is not fun at all. Again, if there are any chapters you would like me to write about, please tell me, otherwise, I will do the chapters that I want to do!

I stepped into the sunlight and I was amazed by Bella's shocked face. I could not help but step towards her. She looked so lovely in the sunlight; I could not even think about how I was afraid to think about what she thought about me.

Her hair shimmered colors of browns and burnt reds. Her face was full of wonder and amazement as I walked towards her, not knowing what to say, or what to do.

I was not exactly sure what she thought of the fact that my skin was glowing from the sunlight. It was harder than diamonds, cold as stone, and yet, it did not seem to affect Bella in the slightest.

But all the while I was listening to her heartbeat; it never fluttered once as I came towards her.

I sat down and lay perfectly still in the grass.

I have never felt happier in my life to know that _Bella_, that this woman had chosen me, had stayed with me throughout this. She knows everything about me now.

And there are no secrets between us.

As I became more comfortable with Bella's never wavering gaze on my body, I began to sing an old lullaby I once heard a mother sing to her baby. It was a very soft, a very calming lullaby that quickly brought the crying baby to sleep. And now, it seemed to bring joy to my restless heart.

When Bella asked me what I was doing, I paused and told her that I was singing, but she did not ask me to sing any louder so I continued to be engulfed in my own world for a moment.

I could feel her body sitting there without me opening my eyes. Every now and again, the wind would brush past us and caress her hair, blowing her scent in my direction.

Yet, I felt nothing but the peace and harmony that was brought by being with her.

"_So this is what it feels like to be completely happy,"_ I never thought I actually _deserved_ to be happy, until now.

I was thinking peaceful thoughts, when suddenly I felt warmth spreading up my arm.

I opened one eye, then the other to find her brushing my hand with one finger cautiously.

She looked up at me as her warm touch evaded my senses, sending them to frenzy.

I smiled, "I don't scare you?" I did not want her to be afraid of me anymore, and I was glad that she didn't seem to be.

"No more than usual," She sounded so blasé about the fact that she was here alone with me.

My smiled widened, causing my teeth to flash in the afternoon sunlight.

She inched closer, and her hand was stretched out towards me, her pale fingers were trembling slightly. But she didn't seem to mind, or care as her hand came closer, "Do you mind?"

I said no, not bothering to open my eyes. I wanted her to touch me again, to touch my cold hands. I wanted to feel this sensation that I've been longing for over one hundred years.

"You can't imagine how that feels," I sighed, feeling content with the way that we were right then and there.

I wanted to shiver when she ran her hand down my arm, following some unknown design.

Then she wanted to turn my hand over; realizing what she wanted, I flipped my palm over, not realizing how fast I was. It felt so normal, so natural for me to do what I was made to do.

She paused as she tried to comprehend what was happening, "Sorry, it's too easy to be myself with you."

"_Much too easy," _I agreed, not know how far I should continue before I deem it unsafe to be around her.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I couldn't imagine what she was thinking as she continued to be fascinated with an invisible pattern on my hand, "It's still so strange for me not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time," she said, using slight sarcasm.

"It's a hard life."

It _was_ a hard life… for me. I do not know what I'd give to be human again; to be able to touch her skull without crushing her or wanting to feed off of her for blood.

I want it so badly, and yet, I am contempt with her here this very second, feeling her hand tracing along mine.

"But you didn't tell me," I reminded her.

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking."

"And?" I could see there was something else she wanted to say.

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

"I don't want you to be afraid," I murmured.

I didn't want her to be afraid at all; to have to worry about the monster inside of me. It was completely calm, completely docile at the moment.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, thought that's certainly something to think about."

So suddenly, I jumped up on my feet and stood in front of her. My left palm was still in her hand and my face was merely inches away from hers.

Her breathing stopped, when she realized how close I was.

"What are you afraid of then?"

But instead of answering, I heard her breath in my scent, like a perfume she rather liked. It was a dangerous way for us to live, to be around humans.

I was not prepared for the intense feelings of _thirst_ that overwhelmed me as she leaned closer towards me. Without thinking about my actions, I started eyeing in on her throat and her pulse that was calmly beating.

When I came back to reality, not even a second had gone by and I realized that I was twenty feet away, across the meadow. I could still smell her scent, but it was less potent now with the cool gentle breeze.

She looked around until she noticed where I was twenty feet away; there was shock and hurt written undeniably all over her face. But I couldn't help that look that would not have been there if I'd stayed there a second longer.

I wasn't used to her being so close; humans in general tend to stay away from us. No one I have talked to, besides Tanya and her sisters, has ever tried to keep long intimate contacts and romantic relations with a human. It was just too dangerous for them and for us.

"I'm…sorry…Edward," she whispered, knowing that I could hear her clearly.

"Give me a moment," I said loud enough for her to hear.

"_Yes, long enough for me not to want to ripe your throat out Bella. You shouldn't tempt the monster, Bella, even now."_

I couldn't help but soften by the gaze she gave me, not knowing what she had done wrong.


	8. Confessions Part 2

The smell of her throat smelled so good that I had to get away. It took much of my strength just to pull away from her.

I took a deep breath and smelled the flowers around me and everything that _wasn't_ Bella.

After a few long seconds, I started to walk back to where Bella was sitting, knowing that I was going to have more control than I did before.

When I sat back down I took two deep breathes, "I am so sorry. Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

Yes, I'm sure she would understand that, after all, I did feel more human than I have ever felt in a century.

She nodded, trying to keep a cool façade, even though I could hear her heart beating rapidly, I could smell the adrenaline pumping as her body tried to warn her a monster, that a predator, that _I_ was nearby.

I smiled to myself at the sick joke, "I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in – my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!"

And it was at that moment that I wanted to show her, I wanted her to know how dangerous, how much of a monster I actually am. How much I could slip at any moment and hurt her and she wouldn't be able to do anything to stop me if I chose to.

I got up without another thought and circled around the meadow; it was all too fast for Bella's eyes to pick up on the movement.

"As if you could outrun me," I laughed bitterly, knowing that if she ran right now, I could catch her with ease and I could throw her soft body against the trees.

To show her how strong I am, I reached out and with a loud snap, I ripped a tree from its roots and I threw it against another tree that struggled to stay upright. Even that was no effort for me at all.

Then I was in front of her again, within mere milliseconds, "As if you could fight me off."

I did not want her to be afraid, but I wanted her to know _what_ I really am.

If she really wanted to physically hurt me, she couldn't. If she wanted to scream, I could just as easily silence her. If she wanted to run, there was nothing she could do that would stop me from ripping her throat out.

I smelled her scent again, and rather than the thirst overwhelming me again, I felt _excited _that she was not screaming. No, instead she was looking at _me_ with awe, wonder, and excitement in her eyes.

But as the seconds past, her stillness, her shock was still there and I wondered if I made a mistake to let her know these secrets.

_"Well maybe she is afraid of me and just does not know how to express it_," I wonder to myself.

"Don't be afraid. I promise…" I hesitated, not knowing what to say or how to make things better. "I swear not to hurt you." I knew that she was aware of the fact that I didn't want to hurt her.

"Don't be afraid," I whispered and stepped closer to her so she could see all of movements. I did not want her to worry about where I was or what I was going to do.

I sat down slower than what I was used to. Like a lion deliberately lying down to calm the nervous lamb.

"Please forgive me. I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now."

I waited for her to speak, and yet, she said nothing.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly," I winked, trying to lighten the mood.

And I was glad she laughed; it was a shaky laugh, but a laugh non-the-less.

"Are you alright?"

I put my hand back into hers, not knowing if that is what she _truly_ desired, to feel my cold, death-like hands against her warm, radiant skin.

Without answering she held my hand and looked at both of our intertwined. I'm sure she noticed the difference between our two hands: cold and warm, big and small, dead and alive.

She looked back up at me and smiled timidly.

That was all I needed before continuing, "So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?"

She stared down at her hands, "I honestly can't remember."

I felt bad that I had shown a side of myself she obviously was wary of. I should have known better, but with her, I could not help it.

"I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right," she said as if she did not want to continue the conversation.

"Well?" I wanted to know everything that she was thinking, and as the seconds ticked by, she said nothing. She kept on circling my hand with her finger as if she was thinking about the answer.

What could it be that she was thinking about that made her either reluctant to answer, or so deep in thought? I'm sure that I was the main cause of all of her fears. But why won't she just say them out loud? As the second ticked by, slower than they ought to have been, I became more and more wary of her answer.

"How easily frustrated I am," I sighed, not knowing how I _should_ feel when everything came too easily to me.

Everything seems to come harder for me since Bella came into my life, and yet, I would not trade the world for it.

"I was afraid… because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She looked timid and she bit her lip, absentmindedly; I knew this was hard for her, saying this out loud.

"Yes, that is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

Of course it wasn't in her best interest, it wasn't in mine either, but it didn't help stop the need or the want that longed in my heart.

"I should've left you long ago. I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

_"No, I don't think I'm strong enough for that." _

She'll need me at some point, just like I need her every day. It shouldn't be this way; it's too dangerous this way, but somehow, neither of us can fight against this bond we have formed any longer.

"I don't want you to leave," she mumbled, and instantly, my heart soared again, though I tried to pull it back down from the clouds.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

One of these days, this selfish creature will end up hurting this delicate human being to the point of no return. And then what?

How will I live with myself then if I cause her any amount of pain? I don't _want_ to hurt her, and maybe I don't have to. But maybe pain is inevitable in our unforeseeable future.

"I'm glad." Her words hit a nerve.

"_How could she be so eager as to court a monster such as death so eagerly?"_

"Don't be!" I gently pulled my hand away from hers so I did not startle her. But, how to make her see, "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else."

Suddenly, I heard the sounds of stomping and muttering from many miles back. "C'mon, you have to keep going, we'll rest in a minute."

I was about to have us leave, when I realized the male and female were traveling in the opposite direction that we were presently located.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean – by that last part anyway."

My thought pulled a different direction, "How do I explain? And without frightening you again… hmmmm."

(There will be more here soon, I promise!)


	9. Confessions Part 3

No, I did not want to frighten her again, not if I could help it. She was too fragile, and even though she had not run from me _yet_, this does not mean she won't if I continue to scare her.

I placed my hand back into her hand; as if fearing I would run again she covered my hand with hers. Warmth shot up my hand and a tingling sensation covered my enter body. It felt wonderful, and yet, it seemed to pull me back down from the clouds.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth," I sighed, and breathed in her scent once again.

I looked at her face and tried to think of explaining what I meant. "You know how everyone enjoys different flavors? Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded, her eyes filled with a burning curiosity that could not be quenched by a mere food analogy.

"Sorry about the food analogy – I couldn't think of another way to explain. You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glad of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac – and filled the room with its warm aroma – how do you think he would fare then?"

I could tell that she was trying desperately to comprehend what I was saying. She was not an alcoholic, nor did I ever see her eating anything sweet, so both of my analogies were not understandable in the least.

Then I thought about the alcoholic addict. If he truly wanted to reject his addiction, he could. No, I needed a scenario that was much more destructive and harder to get away from. With alcohol you could simply go to meetings, go to the hospital if you drank too much, but you would not _die_ if you decided to quit your addictions. You might get sick, but death would not be a part of the equation.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

"So what you're saying is, I'm you brand of heroin?" As usual, she hit the point right on the dot. I'm sure she does not get what it feels like to be addicted to anything, but I can at least help her understand.

"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."

"Does that happen often?" She asked, not trying to hide the curiosity burning behind her question.

I looked to the trees, _"There are no secrets between us now. Besides, what do you have to hide from her that will be worse that what has already happened?"_

I just did not want to offend her more than anything. Jasper's point of view about humans is very nonchalant and uncaring. It might upset her by the way he thinks.

"I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I looked at her apologetically, "Sorry."

Maybe she didn't want to hear this. I am sure referring to her as something similar to cattle is not a pleasant way to feel. But to Jasper, that's how humans are nothing more than blood banks. Humans aren't something we can converse with without feeling thirsty or hungry. Humans are weak, fragile, and can break within our grasps if we hold them too hard.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can."

I smiled, glad that she accepted me for what I really am.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone was as…" I searched for a word that described the situation perfectly," appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?"

"Never."

She looked down at our intertwined hands, lost in her own thoughts before saying, "What did Emmett do?"

It was the wrong question, one that I could not answer. It was hard enough for me to see Emmett's hunger through his own eyes. But to have felt something just as powerful, even more so was that much harder. I did not want to scare her; I did not want her to know that even the mightiest of us can fall so hard.

My silence helped her to understand for she said, "I guess I know." Her voice was colored with hidden emotions.

I looked back up at her, unable to fully comprehend that she was not screaming in abject terror, "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

Her response surprised me, "What are you asking? My permission? I mean, is there no hope, then?"

"No, no! Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…"

_"Kill you."_

"It's different for us. Emmett… these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as… practiced, as careful, as he is now."

I cringed, trying not to remember the look of horror on Emmett's face after he came home that day with blood covering his hands and his clothes. It was not a day any of us want to remember.

"So if we met… oh, in a dark alley or something…" Bella's voice trailed off as she considered a very scary scenario.

I clenched my fists, "It too everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and…" I paused, trying to gain control of my urges again. I remember that thirst, the monster begging to come out like I was feeling it this very moment. "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

I glared at the trees; as if they could give me an answer that will help prevent me from telling her that I wanted to kill her the first time we met.

"_I will not let there be any secrets between us anymore, no matter how gruesome the truth."_

She must remember the first time we met, how angry and _dark_ I looked as I struggled with my inner demon. "You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly."

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal Hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged the first day. In the one hour, I thought of a hundred ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow me."

She looked shocked, surprised that I was actually telling her this; painting a picture of hatred and destruction. If only I had given into my hungers that day and gotten her to come alone with me into the woods.

"You would have come," I said as surely as I am of my love for her.


	10. Confessions Part 4

"Without a doubt," she tried not to let panic touch her tone.

I smiled grimly when she shivered, either from my words or from the wind, I'm not sure.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near dome – I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong – and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

I continued, running through the memories in my head with disgust. Not at the memories, but the fact that I, at some point, _wanted_ to kill this human being who completed me.

"By the next morning I was in Alaska. I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…"

I looked off into the distance, remembering how betrayed I felt by my own self that I could not, at the time, handle a girl. How could I let myself be so out of control that a mere _girl_ could override my sense of morals?

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again." I paused, remembering how _crazy_ I looked in my family's eyes. "I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simple read your thought to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that," I added. I was still wondering why Bella was still friends with a double faced person such as Jessica. "And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating."

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again."

I took another breath, much like I did that very first day. It was a delectable scent, even now, and yet I was in more control of myself than I had been than when I first met her.

"_I guess that's something to be proud of."_

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment – because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we were. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her'."

I closed my eyes, my memory rerunning over every thought, thing I saw, every _smell_ and reminding what I could have had. What I _still_ can have if I just into my temptation. I clenched my hands against the agony that I was feeling right now.

No matter how long I stay with this person, I will always feel like I did that first day. I will always feel the thirst, the hunger that lurks beneath still waters.

"In the hospital?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

I looked back up into her warm, endless brown eyes, "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power – you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you," I involuntarily flinched, unable to take back the confession. "But it had the opposite effect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice."

By the mention of her name left myself with the visual of Bella's dead body covered in blood. "_No, I will not let that happen."_ She will not become one of us and she will not die. Not if I have any say in it. She is so fragile, so loving, and caring; I do not know what I would do if she longer looked up at me with those chocolate eyes, and smiled at me with those soft supple lips.

Lips that I never realized how _much_ I wanted to kiss until now. Kiss her? Was that even possible without hurting her? Without killing her? Was I strong enough to control my anger without tearing her to shreds?

"Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay. All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day that perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day."

I looked at her again, and every time that I did so, I realized that I loved her more than the last. She was an incredible creature; someone I would do anything to keep safe. And yet…

"And for all that, I'd fared better if I had exposed us all at the first moment, than if now, here – with no witnesses and nothing to stop me – I were to hurt you."

"Why?"

Emotions swirled around me like a cloud as I gently touched her hair, "Isabella. Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." I looked into her eyes, unable to fully show the love that I feel for her. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

I let that sink in; I could tell she was having a hard time comprehending it. I could also tell she was contemplating what to say next. Her words were as delicately chosen as one would pick a needle in a haystack.

"You already know how I feel, of course." She added, as if she _expected _me to know how she already felt. "I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you."

My dead heart soared; I had to reel it back in before my emotions got too out of hand. I have wanted to hear these words since the day I met her. How could I not be joyous by the fact that she feels about me like I do?

Of course, she could never be capable to love me as _much_ as I do her, but it was enough. "You are an idiot," I laughed; glad that I could hear her laughing along with me.

I felt many pounds lighter.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"

She sighed, "What a stupid lamb."

"What a sick, masochistic lion."

But as much as the lion might love the lamb, he cannot help but feel his natural instincts arise.

"Why…?" Bella started, brining me out of my thoughts.

"Yes?" I smiled.

"Tell me why you ran away before."

I frowned; I thought I had already explained this, and I did not want to go into any further explanation, "You know why."

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example," she stroked the back of my hand to prove a point, "seems to be alright."

I smiled; of course she thought that _she_ was doing something wrong, "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you." She insisted.

"Well," I thought about it for a moment. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness… I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat."

I paused to look at her as the venom rushed down my throat again, as if trying to tempt me. Bella did not seem deterred in the slightest.

"Okay then, now throat exposure," She tucked in her chin, trying to help me in any way she could, which made me laugh.

"No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

I picked up a hand and placed it on the left side of her neck; not only could I hear her heart and pulse beating, but now I could _feel_ it as well. And yet, I did not have any other feelings besides love towards Bella.

"You see, perfectly fine." I watched as her cheeks grew a bright scarlet color, "The blush on your cheeks is lovely."

And suddenly, I wanted to touch her, I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't as weak as I originally thought I was, "Be very still." I murmured.


	11. Confessions Part 5

I cautiously moved towards Bella and put my cheek at the hollow base of her throat, controlling the thirst that was raging inside of me. Although, it wasn't _raging_ so much as it was simmering.

I could hear her blood flowing through her veins, could hear her heart beat irregularly as I made my way from her neck to her shoulders. My hands had a mind of their own and could not stop even if I commanded it.

When she shivered, my breath caught in excitement. With much restraint, I made sure that when I put my head to her chest and listened to her heart beat that _I_ was in control.

I sighed in content. It was a content feeling, a moment that I never wanted to be released from. Bella sat absolutely still, though I'm sure she was just as wary as I was not to make any sudden movements.

I did not want to move from this position, but at least I knew that my thirst was no longer an issue.

"It won't be so hard again," I felt satisfied that I was stronger than I originally thought.

"Was that very hard for you?"

Her question made me smile, "Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad… for me."

"You know what I mean."

She smiled a pure and calming smile that set my nerves of fire.

Instead of the natural coldness that I normally felt, I was flooded with warmth throughout my body, "Here," I placed my hand against her soft cheek, "Do you feel how warm it is?"

A small gasp escaped her mouth.

After a moment, she leaned forward, "Don't move."

I froze, not knowing what she had in mind. But very slowly, like she was afraid that I would run away, she touched my cheek. I closed my eyes when her fingertips reached cautiously towards my eyelids and stroked them.

Instead of feeling calm, I feel uncontrollably excited and restless. I did not want to sit still; I wanted to run so fast that I felt like I was flying.

"_Easy Edward, remember how scared she was before…"_

Her hands roamed and touched over my face as if exploring and memorizing each feature. When she touched my lips, I mistakenly pictured her soft lips replacing her fingers.

It was something I should not have been visualizing, and yet… I wanted…

All too soon, her hands returned back onto her lap. I was disappointed and startled by the unfamiliar emotions I was feeling. It was nothing that I have ever felt before! To think a century after my creation I would feel something like _this _and for a _human!_

If someone would have told me that I harbored these sort of feelings, I would have never believed them. Even Alice I would have doubted.

But now…

Now these feelings feel more real than I could have ever hoped!

"I wish…" I paused, trying to reassemble my thoughts, "I wish you could feel the… complexity... the confusion… I feel. That you could understand. "

"Tell me," She said breathlessly, wanting to know as much as she could about me.

'I don't think I can. I've told you, on the other hand, the hunger – the thirst – that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I  
think you can understand that, to an extent." I thought about my analogy and how she was _not_ addicted to anything illegal, so it was much of an incomprehensible point. "Though as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely.

But there was something I _could_ explain.

"But… There are other hungers. Hungers I don't understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand that better than you think," Her words surprised me.

I've never felt my dead heart beat as fast as it was now. Such a simple sentence with such a large impact.

Bella looked at me with such a loving and kind expression that made me want the impossible. But as the future becomes less cloudy, it looks as though the impossibilities are within reach.

In all my years, I had not thought that Bella would harbor even one tenth of the feelings I feel for her. This moment had felt so far away from the start. I couldn't even imagine what would happen in the future if things continued to progress between us.

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?" I was just starting to learn what it felt to love someone, and to be loved in this way in return.

"For me? No, never. Never before this." I found that very hard to believe, even with her honest tone sabotaging my senses.

There were so many things that separated us, and yet, so little that drew us together. "I don't know how to be close to you. I don't know if I can."

"_Or if I should."_

Very cautiously, she placed her warm cheek against my cheek, causing my black heart to buzz with excitement.

She sighed softly, "This is enough."

"_This is enough."_ I kept repeating over in my head.

She does not care that I am a monster.

She did not care that I could easily kill her.

She only care about me and this very moment that made me yearn for much more.

I wanted to squash down the hope that soared, but I found I could not because I did not want to.

I put my arms around her ever so gently as to not crush her. Even while I was enjoying this moment, I had to calculate the mistakes that could be made if I was not careful.

As I pressed my nose into her hair, I breathed in the floral scent that surrounded me and threatened to engulf me.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she complimented.

I smiled, "I have human instincts – they may be buried deep, but they're there."

We stayed still like that for what seemed like hours. But time was slowly ticking against us as the light started to recede below the tree tops. She would want to go home soon and make sure that Charlie was there _after_ she returned. I wonder what would happen later on.

As predicted, she sighed heavily, "You have to go."

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

"It's getting clearer."

Then I thought of something that I have wanted to show her since the first time I met her. We had no secrets between us, so couldn't I show her what it felt like to run and feel the wind in my face?

Yes, there would be no harm in it, I decided.

I put my hands on both of her shoulders and looked into her eyes, "Can I show you something?"

She gazed back warily, "Show me what?"

"I'll show you how I travel in the forest." After seeing her  
disbelieving expression, I added, "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster."

'Will you turn into a bat?'

I laughed loudly, unable to control my emotions, 'Like I haven't heard that one before!"

"Right I'm sure you get that all the time," She sounded skeptical, which made me all the more eager.

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."


	12. Confessions Part 6

She stared at me for a moment longer before she walked over. With careful and gentle movements, I put her on my back. To me, she was weightless; if her heart was not beating and her scent was not assaulting my nose, I would not have realized she was on my back.

Of course, we _are_ stronger in every way, so when something like this did happen, which I am sure it never has, we would have to be extraordinarily careful.

I could feel her arms wrapped around my throat, could hear the pulse beating beneath the surface.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack."

I snorted and rolled my eyes; if her weight was all we had to worry about, I'd be a little bit more relieved.

It wasn't the running so much as it was scaring her. Always I had to think about Bella's wishes over my own.

I grabbed her wrist and smelled the amazing fragrance coming off of her skin. I was relieved to know that I could hear her pulse, could smell and _taste_ the scent coming off of her without feeling venom run down my throat.

It was exhilarating.

"Easier all the time," I murmured, and then I was running.

It would only take a couple of minutes to get back to her truck.

I could her Bella's heartbeat racing as I ran through the forest; I could hear her breath coming out in short bursts.

I wanted to touch those soft lips of hers with my fingertips. Would they feel just as soft as the rest of her body?

As I continued running I realized, no, I didn't want to touch her lips, I wanted to _kiss_ them. I wanted to fold my arms around her and look into her eyes as I slowly lowered my head to gently place my lip against her. I wanted to her a soft sigh escape her lips.

But was I certain that I could handle the monster within me without being overwhelmed? It was something to be concerned with when I was sitting away from her and these treacherous feelings assaulted me. But when she was so close, I do not even want to imagine what would, what _could_ happen, if I were to lose control.

I shook my head, "_No, that would not happened. I will not let something like that happen. Just the fact that I can hold her so close without any problems says that I can handle one kiss."_

Finally, we made it back to the truck and my mind was set, "Exhilarating, isn't it?" My voice was full of excitement and anxiety.

I thought of all the ways I could kiss her when I realized that she was not getting down; she had not moved an inch!

"Bella?" I was becoming more anxious now.

She gasped, as if realizing she needed to take a breath.

"I think I need to lie down."

This was understandable; I could only assume what was going through her mind right now.

I waited a few seconds before she said, "I think I need help."

I laughed softly, hoping she would not be able to hear. I know she would not be happy to hear me chuckling at her expense. Before I set her on the ground, I cradled her, mesmerized by how perfect this person is.

"How do you feel?"

"Dizzy, I think."

Hmm, some humans were easily susceptible to motion sickness, "Put you head between your knees," I suggested.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I tried not to let her hear the smile in my voice.

She tried to sound better than she was, "No, it was very interesting."

"Hah! You're as white as a ghost – no, you're as white as me!" I found it very comical that she was trying to be very blasé about the fact that she looked like she was about to vomit.

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!"

I laughed, thinking about what she would say the next time this happened.

"Show-off," she mumbled.

I was nervous about my next move.

How would she react? Would she ask me to move away? Would her pulse quicken?

There was only one way to find out…

"Open your eyes, Bella."

It was surprisingly satisfying to hear her breathing stop. I was cautious and thoughtful when speaking, not knowing how I would begin, or how she would respond.

"I was thinking, while I was running – "

"About now hitting trees, I hope."

I chuckled, she still had so much to learn. "Silly Bella, running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she muttered again.

"No… I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

And with all the eagerness in the world and without the restraint I could muster, I held her delicate face between my two hands. And her breathing stopped again, making me more nervous than usual.

_Should I stop? Will I scare her too much if I continue? Will she not like the feel of my lips on hers? What will she do once I kiss her? How will I react once I kiss her?_

Many thoughts like these were running through my mind. _Should_ I continue with what I'm doing, or should I stop and leave us both disappointed?

_"No,"_ I decided, "_I am strong enough to do this. I can do this without hurting her."_

Confidently, I gently placed my lips upon hers.

I was not prepared to deal with her response. Soon her breathing came out in wild gasps, her hands tried to wind their way around my neck. Her lips separated and I knew I was in trouble; I knew I was losing control.


	13. Confessions Part 7

To all of my readers: I would again advise you (If you do not like any of the chapters I have poster) to place an order of chapters you would like me to do! My next order of business is from the first book and continued into the next chapter where Bella meets Edward's family. BUT! Since I am going back to school, these chapters might be delayed, so rest assured! I will write them, but school is my number 1 priority right now.

Without thinking what I was doing, I stopped moving, and then slowly pulled her from me; my jaw was as tight as my muscles.

_"Control yourself! This is no time to lose control, especially when you are so close to Bella!" _

"Oops," she exhaled, and I wanted to smile, but my nerves were out of control this very second.

"That's an understatement."

Surely she could not see the turmoil that was happening inside of me? Though, I did not want her to know the power she had over me. Not because it was something I did not want, but it was simply something I was not used to.

She looked around a bit perplexed, "Should I…?" She tried to move, but it only made these irrational hungers worse.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." I commanded as politely as I could without sounding as out of control as I felt.

When the rampant hungers were bound tightly, I smiled, happy to know that I could control myself so easily.

"There."

"Tolerable?" She looked as guilty as she would if she committed a crime.

I laughed, "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

Her cheeks heated with embarrassment, "I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You are only human, after all."

"Thanks so much."

I got up and offered her my hand, pleasantly happy when her balance had not returned just yet.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I teased, thrilled to think that she could have this kind of effect because of _me_.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy. I think it's some of both, though."

My worry stomped over my heart. If she was still dizzy, then maybe she should not be driving at all. I have worked much too hard to allow her to endanger herself in any way.

"Maybe you should let me drive."

"Are you insane?" She panicked.

Hmm… Maybe it was the fact that my driving terrified her. But whatever the reason, I was going to drive; there was no doubt about that.

"I can drive better than you on your best day. You have much slower reflexes," I pointed out.

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella." I was nearly begging; didn't she see how valuable and important she was to me?

She pursed her lips and I could already tell what her answer would be.

"Nope. Not a chance."

I wanted to groan, grab her keys and throw her into the passenger seat and lock the doors. She could not know how absolutely crazy she was driving me! Does she not even know that one wrong mistake could have her dead or paralyzed if she was not careful?

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friend drive drunk," I chuckled, knowing well that she would not like this assumption.

She was definitely still dizzy from our run.

"Drunk?" She sounded hesitant.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence," I stated the obvious.

My smile widened when I thought about her being just as every bit _dazzled_ as any other human being.

I could see reason playing through her mind, "I can't argue with that," she finally gave in. She dropped the keys, expecting me to catch them, not being the least bit surprised when I did. "Take it easy – my truck is a senior citizen."

I nodded, "Very sensible."

"And are you not affect at all? By my presence?"

I stopped moving. If only she could see what kind of power Bella had over me. If only she could see that every thought, every action was dominated with thoughts of _her_.

All I ever did these days was thinking about the sway of her body when she walked. The shimmer of her hair when the sun hit it. The way her eyes crinkled with suspicion and annoyance.

I would do anything for her.

And yet…how could she not see this?

How could she not see that everything I do if solely for her?

I leaned forward and brushed my lips from her jaw to her ear, slowly back and forth. I smiled when I felt her tremble.

"Regardless, I have better reflexes."


	14. Story AlertNotice

Dear Twilight Readers,

I just wanted to let you know that I have enjoyed writing this story about Twilight and Edward's POV! I want to continue writing, and I shall, but there is just one problem with continuing to write under the same story… In the next month, or so, the very first chapters will be taken off so you cannot read them anymore. I still want all of you to continue to read my writings, so there are two ways I could go about this so you can continue to read:

When the chapters are removed from the story, I can put them back on, but that may become very confusing for me and for you.

2. Or, I could have a whole new section called, "Midnight Sun 2" or something like the title I have now. If I do that I will let you guys know, then I will upload all of the chapters in one day on the same story.

If there are any other ways that I can re-load my chapters without conflicting with the others, then please tell me. And by that I mean, once the chapter goes off-line, could I put them back to the first chapter?

Anyway, I thank you for reading this and any suggestions will be helpful/welcomed. So thank you again and I am right now writing the chapter: Mind of Matter.

Thank you, From the Author: Liz


	15. Mind over Matter Part 1

Mind over Matter is Chapter 14 (page 286) in Twilight. I'm not sure whether I want to do this whole chapter or not, seeing that it is over 25 pages. So please keep reading and enjoy my writing and know that I try to write from how Twilight fans see Edward and how I personally view Edward.

Even though Bella's truck drove no faster than the given speed limit, I found myself content and did not want to move any faster. Normally, this truck would have infuriated me to no ended, making me want to run instead of driving barely the speed limit.

But everything that had happened earlier changed everything. Now she knew what kind of being I was. And she did not run, or scream, or care that I was a… vampire.

I wanted to cringe as I thought the word, but having her know and still want to be around me made the pain a little less.

For a century, I thought I was complete, thought I had everything I could possibly want. I had my family, but they each had their significant other. Never once did I think that I needed another person, another someone to feel complete.

But everything had changed the minute I saw Bella. At first, she was just any other girl that I could easily decipher; except… she wasn't. Her mysterious ways of looking at the world around her, her unparallel beauty had me craving more and more.

Soon, every thought, every action, every hope was about her.

And never in all of my many years of being dead did I think that she would choose _me_. Me over Mike Newton and Eric, and every other male that has ever come across her pathway.

So here I sat, one hand on the wheel, one hand in her soft, delicate hand; I was staring into her deep, chocolate eyes as I song softly to a fifties song on the radio.

Every now and again, she'd look out the window onto the ground, making sure I stayed within the white lines. I have driven this road so many times that I am positive I could drive home with my eyes closed and without having an accident.

Her smile made me want to stop the car and hold her, "You like fifties music?"

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" I shuddered for effect. "The eighties were bearable."

"Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" She questioned, her eyes showing how curious she really was.

I smiled, of course she would want to know; she was just as endlessly curious as I was. "Does it matter much?"

I watched her bite her lip cautiously, "No, but I still wonder…" She paused, her body stiffened. "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

My gaze remained on her; so _this _is what she worried about before she went to bed? How old I was? Did my age interest her _that_ much? Even though I knew her curiosity burned, wanting to consume every bit of information about myself, it still amazed me that this was the case.

Even now, after everything that she has seen today, I still wonder when she will be afraid.

"I wonder if it will upset you."

"Try me," She sighed, she sounded obstinate about her decision, and I knew that nothing I could say would sway her.

I looked off at the receding sun, wondering if everything that happened today was a tragedy waiting to happen. Maybe she would ask me to get out of her truck and take myself home. Maybe she would scream and demand to never see me again. Or maybe… just maybe I was being too sensitive.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901," I started, glancing at her to make sure she did not look appalled or scared.

Of course, she did not look anything but genuinely curious as to what I would say next. This revelation was both scary and unsurprising.

"Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza." I was, however, shocked when I heard a small gasp escape from her lips, and immediately, I wanted to console her. "I don't remember it well – it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade."

I paused, thinking about the very few memories I still remembered of my mother who died before I did. My father was just a fading thought, nothing more. I had no siblings, no family members that I can remember.

All I could honestly remember was the _pain_ given to me after Carlisle chose to turn me. If someone would have killed me, I would have been grateful. The pain that turned me immortal caused me such anguish for three days. I wanted to rip out my insides. I wanted Carlisle to shoot me then and there if it would stop the pain coursing through my body.

My voice softened, "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

"Your parents?" Her voice sounded unsure now, as if she wasn't positive she wanted to continue.

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he… save you?" She chose her words carefully, reminding me that I needed to choose mine when I answered her question.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us… I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." I thought again to my own experience, "For me, it was merely very, very painful."

My lips curled; I did not particularly _like_ talking about the pain I experienced. It was not something Bella should have to hear. She should never, and _will _never know the pain that every one of us has endured for immortality.

I thought back to what I said about Carlisle. Indeed, he was one of the greatest immortals I have known, no one can compete with his generosity and his compassion. He has never killed any other human or immortal; something alone most of us cannot comprehend or even hope to achieve in our long lives. Mistakes are always made, and yet he has never made a mistake that has allowed himself to become weak or a victim to the monster inside of himself.

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, thought somehow, her heart was still beating."

I did not tell Bella about the gory details of Esme's 'death'. Esme was grieving over the death of her baby. She could not bear the thought of losing her child, so when the doctors released her from the hospital, she threw herself off of the cliff next to the town's church. The police found her body sprawled out on top of rocks, each of her bones were broken, her arms bent in ways they should not have been.

When Carlisle found her, he felt compassion and love for her, even with her heart slowly beating to an end. He took her from the morgue and changed her in our home, not knowing what might become of this creature he fell in love with.

Luckily, the moment she opened her eyes, she fell in love with him and she became, almost, like a second mother to me. Esme has been with us ever since that day, even when I was not.


	16. Mind Over Matter Part 2

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" I thought it was funny; how many hurtles have we jumped and yet, neither one of us could mutter what I truly was… A vampire.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice. It is easier, he says, though if the blood is weak." I stopped, not wanting to continue.

Even now, I could not deny what I truly craved. Even though I fought against Bella's blood, I could not deny that I still yearned for it. I still wanted to taste her blood, to have it run down the back of my throat.

I internally groaned. The monster decided to have one last word before I squashed it down again. Even now I was a danger to her…

"And Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him – he was careful with his thoughts around me." I rolled my eyes; I never really thought of Rosalie more than a sister. Even after all of the years, she was still jealous and vain about the fact that I did not show even the slightest interest in her.

"But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting – we were in Appalachia at the time – and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her."

I looked at her; if only she could truly understand how much I've given for her. How much I've done for in order for me to even be here. All of it was so complicated. And yet… I would not change the world for being here right now with her.

I had the sudden urge to touch her, and so I lifted our folded hands and brushed her cheek, making her shiver slightly.

"But she made it."

"Yes," I murmured, trying to look back into her eyes. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." I laughed when I thought about how we have to keep up pretenses. To seem somewhat normal, "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again."

"Alice and Jasper?" Her questions kept coming.

I thought quickly about how I would summarize or explain, rather, what Alice and Jasper are compared to the rest of us.

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another… family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

I wanted to talk about Jasper as well, but she said, instead, "Really? But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

I was glad that she was eager to learn more., but there are some things I did not want to discuss with Bella.

"That's true. She knows other things. She see things – things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change."

I looked quickly to Bella's face then back at the road. So much has changed between us. But so much _can_ change in such a short time. My mind thought about Bella, either dead and lifeless, or Bella with red eyes and with skin harder than diamonds.

I clenched my teeth. No, it must never come to that. Alice may _see_ things, but that does not mean they would come true. No, if I was there, she would live the rest of her life a healthy mortal. Not having to worry about how thirsty one was or whether you break the person you were holding is a luxury Bella should not have to worry about.

"What kinds of things does she see?"

I thought of another thing I could tell her that did not involve her death.

"She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's the most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of… your kind?" She sounded surprised, not in the least bit afraid or nervous that there were more out there than I'd like there to be. There were many like me out there who could not control themselves if they ever smelled her delicious and addicting scent.

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I stopped shortly and looked in her direction, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together or a time, but there were many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live… differently tend to band together."

I thought about Tanya and how next time I see her, I would want to apologize for my inconsiderate and rude behavior. Though, she had many human suitors, that fact that I was not interested in her made me a toy she could not wait to get. Unlike the situation with Rosalie whose main problem was vanity the entire time, to Tanya I was a prize held above all.

"And the others?"

I thought about the many nomads who have come across our paths time to time. Not one of them wanted to convert, or had converted, to animal blood. While animal blood is an alternative, it is not as good, nor as rich as human blood. Yet, when we feed off of someone, be it an animal or a human, they usually die. There are very few, none that I know of who can stop while in mid hunt and leave the victim alive.

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."


	17. Mind OVer Matter Part 3

I stopped in front of her house; the sky was turning a shade of pink as the lights in the neighborhood flickered on. Her father was not home yet and I so desperately wanted to come inside, but should I really press my luck? Since she knew what I was and I have not heard any screams, and she has not flinched at my touch, coming inside would not be anything out of the ordinary, right?

"Why is that?" She asked, and immediately I smiled.

Of course she would miss the most obvious part of the equation. I thought it was rather humorous that she was not thinking about the chaos I would cause if I did walk downtown while it was sunny.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon? Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

Though it has almost been a _century_ since I was created, the night life and never seeing the sun can grow fairly tiresome. At least here, we can enjoy the outdoors without scaring or putting targets on our back. The property we have is large enough for us to feel comfortable on. Owning over one hundred acres helps us remain secluded and hidden enough so that prying eyes cannot come close to our house without us knowing.

"So that's where the legends came from?"

I thought about her question. One of the reasons would be from us never being able to see the sunlight without us causing chaos. But there were certainly many more reasons.

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

My gaze flickered up to her face; her questions that kept surprising me were never ending. "No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

"_If any of us had been brought up differently, or without Carlisle, we would all be savages now. Carlisle has saved us and has helped us see another way of life that does not leave us with a guilty conscience."_

The next thing I heard was her stomach growl, which made _me_ feel guilty for not remembering she was only human. "I'm sorry. I'm keeping you from dinner."

Though the statement sounded calm, I was anything but! I expected her to invite me in, and while I wanted so much to be a part of her personal life, I would not invite myself in. I would not, and yet…

"I'm fine, really." She said stubbornly.

"I've never spent time around anyone who eats food. I forgot." I apologized.

"I want to stay with you," She looked pleadingly into my eyes and all of my walls crumbled underneath her helpless stare.

"Can't I come in?" I desperately wanted to come in, but I did not want to force my way in.

"Would you like to?" Her voice sounded hopeful, as if she couldn't quite comprehend that I wanted to be with her inside her own home.

"Yes, if it's all right." I got out of my car before she could say anything else and walked over to her door; my body was tense with unwanted nerves.

"Very human," she smiled, causing me to smile back.

What is the equivalent to human nervousness? Having a stomach full of butterflies? I certainly felt nervous now. It is almost comical by how much I have changed.

"It's definitely resurfacing."

After she got out of the car, I locked it and we walked up the steps. I paused to grab her house keys and unlock the door before her eyes could see what I was doing; the key was safely underneath the eave. I opened the door for her, which caused her to raise her eyebrows.

"The door was unlocked?"

Ah, even now she was now used to my vampire-like reflexes.

"No, I used the key from under the eave."

She turned as she walked into her house, disbelief and uncertainty was painted on her face. I could tell she was wondering how I had found out. But the puzzles pieces were not all there yet.

"I was curious about you." I expected her to be angry; I expected her to tell me to get out of her house, but for the most part, she sounded flattered.

"You spied on me?"

So I decided not to pretend what I didn't feel. "What else is there to do at night?"

The moment she turned her body towards the kitchen, I ran there and sat down into the small kitchen only comfortable for a small amount of people. I have seen this kitchen before, though I was not paying all that much attention to it.

Even now, all I can really think about is Bella's beautiful figure walking through the door. I never understood another human's idea of a beautiful or striking person. I never understood how they could get past their flaws, internal and external. But now after spending more and more time with Bella, I am now finally starting to see.

As Bella came into the room and quietly prepared dinner, I was lost in my thoughts. I wondered what would happen when Charlie came home. Would she introduce us or would she ask me to leave? My heart ached when the thought of leaving her came across my mind. What would happen if I stayed? Would her father wonder if we were a couple or just friends? _Were_ we just friends? I hardly thought so after this afternoon, but you never know.

"How often?" She asked casually as if just discussing the weather.

"Hmmm?" It took me a moment to understand what she was asking.

"How often did you come here?"

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to answer this question, or not.

I sighed internally, might as well get it over with, "I come here almost every night."

She spun around, eyes wide; I wasn't sure whether she was angry or not.

"You're interesting when you sleep. You talk."

Red emotion colored her face, "No!" She was obviously worried about the fact that I watched her unguarded.

I watched her warily for a moment before asking, "Are you very angry with me?"

She _should _be angry with me. I could understand if she was.

"That depends!"

I waited for her to elaborate. "On?"

"What you heard!" She sounded embarrassed.

I went to her and held her hands as gently as I could. I had not expected her to react like this! Part of me expected her to be angry, maybe even call me a peeping tom. But not this.

"Don't be upset!" I tried to sooth her nerves but looking at her in the face, though he refused to look back at me. "You miss you mother. You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" I laughed, trying to brighten her mood.

"Anything else?"

This was the one question I did not want to come across. "You did say my name."

"A lot?"

I paused before saying, "How much do you mean by 'a lot', exactly?"

She hung her head down, her cheeks blazing again, "Oh no!"

I pulled her closer to me, trying to relieve the pain and embarrassment she felt. "Don't be self-conscious. If I could dream at all, it would e about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."


	18. Mind Over Matter Part 4

Hey, guys, I hope that you have enjoyed my writing up to this point! I would like to apologize for not writing fast enough, college is taking a LOT of my time, so you can expect that it will be maybe two weeks in between of each chapter. Again, I am trying to work as fast as possible, but I, sadly, can not give you any definite answers when the next one will be. I just want you to know this so you don't automatically assume, "Hey, this girl stopped posting, so she obviously is not writing anymore!" And I certainly do not want you to get bored from waiting too long! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy this! - Liz

...

All too soon, I released her once I heard her father's cruiser put into the driveway. I did not want to leave just yet; I wanted to be with her till the sun rose. The sun that had already set would surely come up and then what would happen tomorrow? Would she push me away once she realized this wasn't a dream?

The car door slammed shut. We had about ten seconds before Charlie walked in the door.

"Should your father know I'm here?" I hoped that he would, but knew that Bella would be less enthusiastic about that. I'm sure she wanted me all to herself as well.

"I'm not sure…" She looked at the front door, trying to decide as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, Charlie was going to walk in any moment.

"Another time then…" I said, I was sad, but that did not mean I would be leaving. I technically, was not asked to leave, so I was still invited to stay in the house.

"Edward!" Bella hissed as soon as I was at the top of the stairs.

I chuckled loud enough so she knew I was staying. I flashed to her untidy bed and quickly lay on top of her bed, listening to her and Charlie downstairs.

I could hear Bella's loud breathing as she tried to calm herself and make dinner at the same time without dropping anything.

"Bella?" Charlie's thoughts were a grumble, but they brightened once he smelled the food cooking in the microwave. He took off his jacket and put his gun holster on the coat rack.

"I'm here." I heard her voice waver as she tried to remain calm and act natural. A chuckle escaped my lips; Bella was such a bad actress, and her father knew there was something up from the time he entered the kitchen.

And yet, he said not except, "Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed."

I heard a loud thud hitting the floors; boots I suppose?

It was almost comical by at how fast Bella's heart was beating; I could hear her trying to busy her hands so her father would not see them trembling.

I heard another plate come out of the cabinet as Bella heated her food up.

Meanwhile, I was wondering what could possibly happen when she came upstairs? Would she think of me as to straightforward? Would she tell me to leave or ask me to stay? Would she wonder how I knew where he bedroom was?

Her heart told me a different story, but she did always seem to surprise me. So why was it I was always tortured with questions I sometimes never found the answers to? And if I did, I found them out when I was about to go insane with impatience.

"Thanks," her father said as he ate his food, only pausing briefly to watch Bella.

I could hear him, but only vaguely; he could see that she was excited about something, but he couldn't imagine what.

"How was your day?" Bella tried to ask a nonchalant question, this only sparking her father's curiosity.

"Good. The fish were biting… how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted?" I heard silence as they both took a bite out of their food; Bella took longer than usual, trying to assemble a plausible lie, I assume.

"Not really – it was too nice to stay indoors," I heard her breath in deeply and then chew her food. Fifteen seconds went by before she swallowed.

I smiled, of course she would only tell Charlie a _half_ truth about her day. I'm sure she wouldn't want to scare him with the gory details. Nor could she, but that was beside the point.

There were those of us who were considered royalty; those who were the law-makers of our kind. Those who many of us feared. Carlisle had once befriended these royalties called the Volturi, who even scared _him _to an extent! They were ruthless and only allowed those who had certain… talents to join their group.

But the Volturi were well known for their rules and how much they loved them. They were known for massacring anyone who went outside of the lines. Technically, I would have been killed, because I gave away the biggest secret all of us _vampires_ were sworn not to tell. Even the most unkempt of us who fear the Volturi known not to break the law that I have today.

Yes, I broke the law. But I would not have had it any other way; I would not have told anyone else but her and that is how I intend to keep it. I do not want to endanger her anymore than I already have, but I certainly do not want to endanger those who have no idea what lines I have crossed.

This includes Charlie, her mother, even Jessica, and Mike Newton of all people. If word got out, they would certainly be one to go for repercussion.

"It was a nice day," Charlie said, bringing me back out of my suddenly-turned morbid thoughts.

I saw through Charlie's eye Bella grimacing, making even Charlie wonder what she was hiding. "In a hurry?" He said, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Bella tried her best to look exhausted, "Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early."

Charlie noticed the way she was twitching and rubbing her thumb across her hand back and forth. "You look kinda keyed up."

I almost laughed by the desperate look Bella gave her father, like she would have preferred to be anywhere but right there in the spot light.

"Do I?" She managed, trying to calm herself down.

Meanwhile, Charlie was thinking about everything that could make her _want_ to hide her keyed-up reactions. The conclusions left me gritting my teeth.

"It's Saturday," he said, trying to keep the curiosity out of his tone.

Bella stared down at his half empty plate, looking like she'd rather be swallowed alive by a hole.

"No plans tonight?"

"No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep."

"None of the boys in town your type, eh?" I growled under my breath.

Bella's cheeks blushed crimson red, "No, none of the boy have caught my eye yet." I saw her glance towards the stairs, something Charlie did not notice.

It seemed like he was curious enough to continue the conversation, "I thought maybe that Mike Newton… you said he was friendly."

Mike Newton, that idiot of a child who thought that he was entitled to both Bella _and _Jessica. It disgusted me that this is where his thoughts led to.

Of course, I had to think reasonably, our family tried to stay out of the public eye, and Mike was happy to stay the star of the show. Something I should have easily predicted, but did not.

Yes, I felt jealousy, but the green monster was also a fearful thing that wanted to rip off Mike Newton's head.

I almost smiled when I saw Bella groan, "He's just a friend, Dad."

"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking." In Charlie's eyes, he saw his little girl who was not ready to face the world of hyper-sexual males and predators who would like to devour her whole. To him, Bella was just as breakable as the day she took her first break.

If only he knew…

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Bella lied so lousily, it was a miracle Charlie decided to overlook it.

"'Night honey," he called, his mind thinking of ways he could block her in so she would not take the truck out tonight.

I heard her come up the stairs as she called, "See you in the morning, Dad."


	19. Mind Over Matter Part 5

I heard her come up the stairs as she called, "See you in the morning, Dad."

My breathing stop when I heard Bella walk up the stairs with exaggerated slowly, as if her present actions would stop her father from coming into her bedroom at night and barricading the windows.

When she finally reached the top of the stairs, she walked into the dark room and closed the door loudly. She froze, her body was tense as she swiveled her head back and forth, trying to see me through the darkness.

Of course, I have no trouble seeing her, but it was still amusing to see her trying to pick me among the shadows.

Right now I felt like I was soaring. I felt like nothing could hold me down. It took all that I had to not jump up and sweep her away. I'm sure she wouldn't mind, but I would not want to scare her at the very least.

"Edward?" She whispered.

Her blushing cheeks caused me to chuckle; my nerves were wound tightly like a cat ready to jump.

"Yes?"

She whirled around, her breathing and her heart stopped for a moment as her hand went to her throat, causing me to stop moving myself.

"Oh!" When she started breathing again, she slid down to the ground, her heart thrumming like a humming bird's.

"I'm sorry," I tried suppressing my joy and hiding my smile, but I felt that her eyes were analyzing everything, even in the darkness of her room.

I paused for a moment before she said, "Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I slowly sat up, not wanting to startle her again.

Funny… nothing that I did today had made her _blink_ and yet here she was, about to have a heart attack! I found this to be incredibly amusing.

I looked at her again as her shoulders shook less; I leaned over and picked her up as gently and as slowly as I could. Her heart was still racing as I sat her on the bed next to me.

"Why don't you sit with me? " I asked lightheartedly as her breathing began to slow. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me – I'm sure you hear it better than I do." Her acidic voice could not mar my high spirits.

When I stopped laughing low enough that Charlie could not hear me, we sat and listened to her heart.

How odd… I never thought I would be here with this person. It was the most amazing thing to have happened to me today. Not only has she fully accepted me and who I am, she welcomed me into her home, into her room… Not her room, per se, but her _life_.

If I had known that Bella would be at the end of a century-long tunnel, I would have endured it more graciously.

I wondered what she was thinking as her heart slowed to a normal pace when she said, "Can I have a minute to be human?"

She looked at me and I found it quite easy to breath in her freesia-like scent. "_I'm glad some things have changed."_

"Certainly," I gestured so that she knew that I was fine with waiting several more minutes.

"Stay," she commanded and tried looking like a fearful tiger when really, she was only a mere kitten.

"Yes, Ma'am," I said and turned to stone, obviously happy that I was where I wanted to be.

I watched as she looked around for her pajamas and her bag of toiletries, before slipping out of her room and slamming the door to her bathroom.

Hmm, I did not think she was angry or upset. Why would she slam the door like that?

One listen into Charlie's mind and I understood. "_Ah, she must be making sure he won't come up here."_ I chuckled, "_A man or father would never bother a female while she was in the bathroom."_

Though, no one uses the bathroom in our home, Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle still gave their women of the house some privacy while dressing and preparing for the day. Only foolish and brave men interrupted women and should endure their wrath.

After a moment, my memories slipped back into the first day that I saw her; it was also the first day I became a whole, completed creature. I wanted to rip her open, to shred her and satiate my thirst then and there. But something, not just my family or the witnesses around me, stopped me from spilling her blood.

I am very thankful that I had enough restraint to realize that she was not worth killing. Of course, after I had gotten to know her and realize my true feelings, this became impossible for me to even think about killing her.

My thoughts stopped once I heard the shower start. My thoughts traveled back down to Charlie and with him, I watched a basketball game of some team.

I wasn't really paying attention; all I _really_ cared about was making sure I was hidden when Charlie comes to check up on Bella.

She is such a horrible actress, a very trusting person, but she could never tell even a _human_ a lie and hope to get away with it, much less me.

Charlie would, no doubt, remove or make her truck immobile for the night. But of course, if she really did want to go anywhere Bella could find her way around a truck with or without my help.

I frowned. Of course, I would not encourage that type of behavior out of myself. I want to make a good impression on Charlie, not havehim put a restraining order on me the first time he knows I'm helping Bella get somewhere.

Hmm, I'm sure Alice would be smiling and ecstatic if she realized that Bella wanted to come over tonight.

I paused, "_Maybe… Maybe that would be possible. Of course I would have to ask Carlisle, and let Rose and Jasper know before I brought Bella there so that Rose would be out of the house. Jasper would have to remain a safe distance away, but it could work, couldn't it?_"

I was brought back out of my thoughts when the water stopped and I heard Bella get out of the shower and brush her hair. She was not even trying to be calm or slow about it.

She ran downstairs almost impatiently, as if she was desperate to get back to her bedroom.

"'Night, Dad."

"'Night, Bella." I could see from his perspective that he was somewhat surprised that she looked like she was ready to go to bed.

And yet, he was still considering dismantling her truck for safe measures.

I watched the door as I heard her footsteps race of the stairs, her heartbeat was racing a mile a minute while she was breathing short and shallow breathes.

I heard her pause before she opened up the door, a smile played on her lips. She walked in with her hair like damp seaweed; my hands were itching to rake my fingers through her long hair. Her cheeks were slightly flushed from excitement and she wore ripped up pajamas that only accentuated how fragile she really was.

She was the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on.


	20. Mind Over Matter Part 6

"Nice," I complimented, knowing she would take it in the absolutely wrong way.

She did not disappoint; her nose crinkled while her eyes nonchalantly looked down at her appearance, her lips were in a thin line.

"No, it looks good on you," I reassured, luckily she took my word for it that she looked stunning even with her hair dripping with water.

Her tightened muscles released a breath she had been holding in, "Thanks," and she wandered her way back to the bed, carefully not tripping over anything or making much noise.

"What was all that for?"

"Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

I could hear her teeth biting her tender lips. I wanted to smooth out the crease between her brows.

"Oh… Why?"

I put myself back into Charlie's head and I could not hear and even glimpse into what he would be doing tonight; I could not even guess what he was worried about. Hmm, I couldn't hear anything suspicious, but I doubted that he would have forgotten his plans.

"Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

I gently took her chin between my cold fingers, relieved that she did not flinch away from me. Her cheeks brightened even more at the touch of my hand. I wanted to brush away the blush creeping, not only along her cheeks, but all over her face now.

"You look very warm, actually."

_"A little too warm."_

I slowly put my cheek against hers, smelling very fragrant perfume that was very intoxicating and dangerous at the same time. Though, her fragrance wasn't as dangerous as it had been to my sensitive nose, it still called to the darknest part of me.

That I could not deny.

I still did not want to admit to her that somewhere in the darkest depths of my soul, I still yearn and called out for her blood. Now that I was more resolved on keeping her alive, it was easier to resist.

"Mmmmmm…" I breathed in and out, afraid that this too was a dream and would have it taken from my grasp very soon.

"It seems to be… much easier for you, now, to be close to me," I could hear Bella's voice coming out in short bursts as if she was having a hard time articulating what it is she wanted to say.

Her heart did not lie to me either.

"Does it seem that way to you?" Of course she would not be able to understand the challenges that I face concerning her safety.

I often wonder if I would have encountered something as hard as this if I did not meet Bella. I'd imagine not; not that I would change the world for what I am experiencing, but it was always something to consider.

I pressed my nose gently to her collarbone and smelled the scent coming off her skin that would make any vampire go wild and lose their control.

I paused briefly, not enough for Bella to notice that I could only imagine Emmett and _Jasper_ if Bella came over unannounced. I brushed the back of her hair with my fingertips, feeling myself unwind as she shivered beneath my touch.

"Much, much easier," she breathed, making me realize how hard this was for _her_.

"Hmm," Yes, it was easier to be near her without wanting to rip out her throat.

"So I was wondering…" She began, her breathing heavy in my ears.

I was amazed by how smooth her skin was; it was very soft, and I could not help but to touch it.

"Yes?" I wanted her to continue.

"Why is that… do you think?"

I smiled and laughed when I heard her voice tremble as she tried to continue.

"Mind over matter…"

When she pulled away, I froze, trying to understand what had caused her to do so. She abruptly stopped talking and now we were staring at each other cautiously as if we were not sure what the other was thinking. I certainly was not aware of what she was thinking.

What _was_ she thinking?

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No – the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she complained and I felt a surge of pride that I had never felt before.

"Really?" I smiled, feeling please with myself.

But Bella's sarcastic tone told me she felt otherwise, "Would you like a round of applause?"

I grinned, "I'm just pleasantly surprised," I answered honestly. "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find out, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it… at being with you…"

I felt relieved to have that off of my chest, but I also felt giddy, something that I hardly ever feel. I just feel so… so different, like I am free to be able to tell Bella how I really feel. The only people I have told my true feelings to were my family, not someone I was in love with.

Truth be told, I have never had feelings of infatuation for a human like the ones I harbor for Bella.

"You're good at everything," she looked at me pointedly as this revelation should have occurred to me before.

I shrugged, this causing both of us to laugh quietly.

"But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon…"

I sighed, if _this _what she was seeing through her eyes? Being with her was not a simple task. Yes, feeling the feelings were easy enough, but not being overwhelmed by them or not succumbing to my monstrous instincts were not.

How could she not see this?

"It's not easy, but this afternoon, I was still… undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgiveable for me to behave so."

She surprised me again, "Not unforgiveable."

I smiled, "Thank you. You see," I paused, wondering how I was going to go about explaining my doubts. "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" To prove my point, I brought my hand to her face and cupper her warm, fragile cheek. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome I was susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I could ever…"

I smelled her wrist and the blood beneath her skin; I did not want to think of anything other than this moment.


	21. Mind Over Matter Part 7

Hey guys, sorry I took so long to write this chapter! I am off of school for a week so hopefully I will write at least two more chapters! Here's hoping! :)

... ... ... ...

She breathed heavily out, as if she had been holding her breath, anxiously waiting to hear my answer. "So there's no possibility now?"

How easy she made everything seem…

I smiled, "Mind over matter."

"Wow, that was easy."

I laughed by how ridiculous that sounded; the timing was just as comical. This girl really has no idea how _close_ she comes to the edge sometimes. Sometimes, I wonder if she really knows, or if she gazes and dangles her legs over the edge for pure pleasure.

I am in love with an adrenaline junky.

"Easy for you!" I touched her nose lightly.

I controlled the urges that wanted to take hold and overpower my body. The urges that want to hold her and caress her hair; the urges that want to shred her apart.

"_Think positively, Edward."_ I reminded myself, hating the fact that I could be _doing _something and _thinking_ another thing entirely separate from each other.

"I'm trying… If it gets to be… too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

I lied, but I wanted the situation to seem better than it was. I know that at this very moment, there wasn't much that could make me leave from this girl's side.

If my family were in trouble, I would leave with them. But I wouldn't leave her alone; I'd be there every single night she slept, every moment calmly hiding in the shadows.

From the looks of it, it seems that Bella didn't like the thought of me leaving either. It wasn't an uncomfortable position to be in; it was just one I should not be in.

I breathed in deeply, letting her scent assault my senses, "And it will be harder tomorrow. I've have the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," she looked up at me, a small blush creeping up her cheeks.

"That suits me," I smiled back; I loved this _feeling_ that overwhelmed me when she looked at me like that. Like I meant more to her than any other being in the world. "Bring on the shackles – I'm your prisoner." Instead, I formed manacles around her delicate wrists; she still does not know how much she puts at risk just by me being here.

I laughed quietly; I felt higher than I have ever felt before.

"You seem more… optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before," her observant ways never ceased to amaze me.

"Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures and experiencing?"

I do not know how many times I have _seen_ my family members, even humans act with love towards one another, but to feel it, witness how it changes oneself personally is a completely different picture.

"Very different. More forceful than I'd imagined."

Yes, more forceful indeed. In fact… the feeling of the first time I was jealous, or the feeling of love I felt for Bella was still vivid and very much real.

"For example, the emotion of jealously. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different play and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" I paused when I replayed the very first memory of me being jealous. The memory was still as clear as if I was feeling it for the very first time. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"  
She had to remember. Of course… she would not know how I felt, but she could imagine.

She nodded, a smile played on her small lips. "The day you started talking to me again."

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury that I felt – I didn't recognize when it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care."

I chuckled, seeing what I obviously could not see before, "And then the line started forming. I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure."

The memories came flooding back; how many hours did I spend trying to talk myself out of going to her house? How many times did I debate the ethicalities of invading her personal private space while she was asleep? And then, how many reasons did I give that justified me doing so that led me to being here?

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

I began to whisper as if thinking and feeling what I did would suddenly feel _right_. "And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling the coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

I stayed silent, not moving an inch. Her heart was beating irregular, but was it because of what I said? Was she frightened, excited by my confession? Or was her heart reacting to the fact that I was here beside her?

Her breathing was regular, and her eyes were clear, showing nothing but curiosity.

Fear was not even considered. So why was her heart beating so fast? Surely, she does not feel _excitement_ by me being here.

I sighed inwardly, "_Or course, she's an adrenaline junky."_

And then I remember what Charlie had said early that spiked my temper once again. "But jealousy… it's a strange thing So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that _vile_ Mike Newton…"

I shook my head; I could not really believe this irrational feeling that was coursing through my right now. Even thinking about him made me want to rip him apart. He wasn't doing anyone a service by remaining alive, but I still could not just _kill_ him no matter how much I wanted to.


	22. Mind Over Matter Part 8

Hey readers, thank you so much with bearing with me while I did college homework and things not related to writing! I hope you like this new chapter! But if you don't, then please tell me!

She groaned, "I should have known you'd be listening."

"Of course."

It was a fact that she should have known right off the bat. Not only was my hearing superior to hers in every way, but it was the fact that I wanted to be near her every second did not help that she did not have any secrecy with me around.

My fascination with her would never go away. It _could_ never go away. And nor would I want it to.

I could not help but be fascinated by the mere fact that she found Newton to be a _friend_… Worrying over him was hardly the effort it took to use a one-hundredth of a brain cell to think his name.

Though, it was even more fascinating that Bella seemed to be amazed that even though I am a vampire, I am still a man.

"That made you feel jealous, though, really?"

I wanted to groan. Of course she couldn't see the delicate position I was in right now; I was indestructible, wasn't I? Supposedly nothing could defeat me; nothing could stop me in my path… Except her.

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly, for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie – Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie – was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

Sometimes I wonder how this girl went through life without seeing herself properly. I thought, at first, that is was because of low self esteem. But that was soon thrown out the window. Maybe it is because she chooses not to see how gorgeous and unbelievably heavenly her appearance is. Whatever the reason may be, I'm sure it will come to a shock to her just how many envy her and _lust_ after her as well.

"There's no competition."

I pulled her so that her hands were behind my back and her face was on my chest. Even through my shirt, I could feel the warmth her body radiated.

I wanted to see what _I _saw! How beautiful, how honest, how _fragile_ she really was. Nothing could ever hope to replace or substitute Bella.

No matter how beautiful Rosalie was, she could not compare the place that Bella has in my heart. Bella will forever be in the same place fifty years from now. I shudder to think that Rosalie had once been meant for me.

Emmett is a calm, easy-going person whose love for her easily overlooks her stubborn and vain ways. It is very hard to see eye to eye with her on some things, especially when her vanity gets in the way.

"I know there's no competition. That's the problem."

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth," I corrected myself, "no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me."

I thought about how my life had been before I met Bella. It was dull, void, and without any complications. I went around thinking I too was complete, that I did not need anyone else but myself and my family.

How wrong had I been!

"For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking.

And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

"It hardly seems far," she said sarcastically. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

I smiled when she missed the bulls eye by a long shot. Could she not see that just by being with me she was risking her _life?_

"You're right. I should make this harder for you, definitely." I freed her hand so that I could gently stroke her hair, stirring unimaginable emotions in me. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what's the worth?" I matched her teasing sarcasm.

"Very little – I don't feel deprived of anything."

I couldn't tell whether she was serious or not.

"Not yet."

I agreed, knowing that at some point she or I would have to choose: her humanity or me? I know what she would choose, but I could not live with myself knowing that she chose a monster instead of her own well being.

That would be the end of my existence.

Suddenly, I heard Charlie get up off of his chair and slowly, but quietly walk up the stairs. He tried not to make any noise so that if Bella was indeed trying to sneak out, he would catch her.

"What-"

I froze, then hid underneath of her bed, "Lie down!" I hissed, giving her enough time to do so before Charlie walked in.

Even I did not have to read Charlie's mind to know that he knew Bella was awake. But he decided to let it go, since Bella was in bed and not halfway out of the window.

I could hear her trying to breathe deeply as she curled herself into a ball; the same ball she was curled into night after night. Of course Charlie would not be fooled, but even though he was put a little more at ease, his decision was final: he would unhook some wires and cables before he went to bed.

When he went back down stairs, I lay next to her on the bed and put my cold arms around her, "You are a terrible actress – I'd say that career path is out for you."

"Darn it," she muttered.

I began to sing a lullaby, _her_ lullaby to ease her rapidly-beating heart.

I paused, not knowing whether she wanted me to sing, or not. "Should I sing you to sleep?"

She laughed, finding humor in my words.

"Right, like I could sleep with you here!"

"You did it all the time," I said, knowing that everything would be different know that she knows that I intend on sticking around while she slept…

If she would have me.


	23. Story Alert 2 (Sorry, no chapter yet)

Dear everyone who has read these chapters and has, over the long months, kept up with my writing habits! I just wanted to let you know that I will be writing soon (Like 1.5-2 weeks soon). My semester is ending and by then I promise I will have more chapters to post up. ANd I will keep posting, I promise! But for those of you who have attended college, you know as well as I how frustrating and tough college can be, leaving you no room for anything FUN!

So I thank you for staying with me as long as you have when other have abandoned me and I am asking you to please hang in for a little while longer!

Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful day/night/evening...


	24. Mind over matter Part 9

Hey everyone! This is the long-awaited chapter I have been promising you! I am terribly sorry for dragging this out I have been so busy and now that college is winding down, I hope to make more chapters! :)

...

"But I didn't know you were here."

I couldn't tell whether she was upset, or not. Or if she was just annoyed by the fact that I was at a much closer and more personal front than what she was aware of at the time.

I looked at her sweet, heart shaped face, listening to her beating heart. It was steady and controlled as if Bella _willed_ her heartbeat to beat so unreasonably. She should not be this calm! No matter how many seconds, how many days or years I spend with this girl, I do not think I will ever fully understand her.

"So if you don't want to sleep…" I was waiting for her to pick up the puzzle pieces.

"If I don't want to sleep…?"

I chuckled; I should have known she would have to make me draw the lines.

"What do you want to do then?"

I found the silent moments quite amusing. I could see the wheels in her head turning, as if she were debating all of the possibilities at once.

She looked over at me once before speaking. "I'm not sure."

"Tell me when you decide," Although, I wasn't waiting for her to make a decision.

I leaned in and gently pressed my nose to her hair, then moved to her neck listening to the slow rhythm of her pulse.

"I thought you were desensitized," she said breathlessly as she tried to focus on her breathing rather than my teeth right next to her throat.

"Just because I'm resisting the wine, doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet." Mmm, I still could not get over how incredible she smelled. "You have a very floral scent, like lavender… or freesia." I paused, wondering if my next words would startle her, "It's mouthwatering."

Again, she surprised me…

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell." Her sarcasm dripped off of every syllable.

I chuckled, and then sighed; I wish I didn't have to be wary or conscious of every move that I made. It was moments like these where I wished I wasn't attracted to her in a way that made my mouth water. I do not want to see her every day and think about how _edible _she looks.

If life offered me a way to be human with Bella until we both died, I would take it gladly. But I refuse to think about changing her, not when she has her whole life ahead of her. How could I live with the thought of ending hers for my benefit or even if she wishes it?

"I've decided what I want to do. I want to hear more about you."

Always the curious cat.

"Ask me anything," I tried to guess what she would think was more important to ask me. Surely, she would ask me about why we keep up our appearances, why we do not hunt.

"Why do you do it? I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

I was not surprised that this question would be the first to come up. Of course she was curious why we did not want to be monsters, why we _wanted_ to restrain the monster inside every one of us.

"That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others – the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot – they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn't mean that we can't choose to ride above – to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can." I waited for her to take it in; surely she knew or at least understood why some of us did not want to drink the blood of a human.

The moments passed and her breathing slowed enough to make me wonder if she had fallen asleep.

"Did you fall asleep?" I whispered, not wanting to wake her up if she indeed fell asleep.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?"

"Not quite," I should have known better.

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds – why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?"

I shrugged; for centuries this has all left us curious and without any success left us greatly disappointed. Carlisle has come to the assumption that just like humans are more out going or depressed than others, we have only enhanced our abilities or our strengths and weaknesses.

"We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into our next life, where they are intensified – like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her…" Hmm, how should I put this without being vulgar, "Tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness. Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him – calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

I waited for her to grab a hold of her many thoughts. "So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

I smiled, my mind sifting through lessons of evolution and decades of Carlisle and I finding a possible source for our existence, but in the end, finding nothing. We did not know if we should go back to the ways of Christianity, or that of the history of the vampires.

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whales, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight – I'm the baby seal, right?"


	25. Mind Over Matter Part 10

Hey, everyone! Well this is the last chapter to the chapter called Mind Over Matter in Twilight. I hope you like it!

I laughed quietly, "Right."

Then I touched my fingertips to smooth out her drying hair. It felt as smooth as a feather and yet as delicate as a rose petal. One pull and I could rip out her scalp.

"Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?"

I felt her body resist a shrug along with the rolling of her eyes, "Only a million or two."

I smiled, knowing that we'd have the rest of her human life to share moments like these. "We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" I dipped my nose into her hair, inhaling the heavenly scent.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning? You are mythical, after all."

I was still glad to know that she still wanted me to be around in the morning.

"I won't leave you," I promised, knowing that I would keep my promise, and that she knew I could keep my promise.

I felt her body release a sigh; it was as if she had kept it in while waiting for my answer.

"_I am sorry Bella. This is new for me too. If only you knew how deeply I've fallen in love with you, then you would know that I could not leave you. Not even if I wanted to…"_

"One more, then, tonight…"

I waited for the question as the air started to heat from her blush. My curiosity was instantly peaked.

"What is it?"

Of course she felt like this question she could not tell me, which only sparked my curiosity been further and made me want to rip up the floor boards. "No, forget it. I changed my mind."

My worst nightmares were confirmed, "Bella, you can ask me anything."

Again, silence filled the air like a barrier between her closed mine and my prying one.

I groaned, "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."

I wanted her to understand what kind of position she was putting my in. Did she even realize what kind of _pain_ I was in? No, of course she couldn't even comprehend the will or the bi-polar emotions of a vampire, unless she was one.

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

I paused, thinking about the time we were in the restaurant; she said that I _dazzled _people. Hmm, maybe I can dazzle her without being able to see her face.

"Please?" I pursued, though this only caused her to stiffen and shake her head.

I thought of all of the dark, horrible things she could be thinking about that she did not want to share with me. Was it honestly _that_ horrible?

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is. Please?" I tried again, pleading more this time than anything. I knew she would cave in with the right amount of pressure.

"Well…" She began, obviously being weighed down by embarrassment.

"Yes?" I was practically jumping out of my skin! What was she hiding from me?

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?"

I laughed, knowing now why she had been reluctant to tell me. "Is that what you're getting at?"

She fidgeted, unsure how I would answer her question. She obviously had something else on her mind.

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same. I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"_Like killing and drinking the blood out of poor innocent humans."_ I forced myself to live in the present and look at this beautiful girl lying next to me.

"Oh," was all she managed, which made me question if I had truly answered her question or just side-stepped it.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"

"Well, I did wonder… about you and me…" I stopped breathing before she could complete her sentence.

What if…

We could never marry it would always be too dangerous, but what if? What if we had a wedding in a little church with her family, including mine, gathered around? Alice would walk down the aisle before Bella wearing a light blue dress. Then, the music would start only to reveal what I had been waiting for all along.

Bella would wear a dress as white as snow, as pure as an angel's wings. The dress would hug her gently and caress her soft curves. As she walked down the aisle the music would play and Charlie would be holding onto her arm; a veil would be over her head shielding me from my prying eyes. She would carry a small bouquet of roses and lilies and they would walk so slowly that I would lose my mind, but surely Charlie hands Bella over to me and I lift her veil. I can see her rosy pink cheeks and her loving, endless brown eyes gazing up at me in wonder. Then, my thoughts took a turn for the worst.

What if I accidentally hugged her too tightly? Or gently brushed her hair out of her face and ended up pulling off her scalp? What then?

Once I found my voice again, I said, "I don't think that… that… would be possible for us."

Her voice wavered, "Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?"

Always missing the vital points…

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you." I made a point by brushing her hair gently and lightly touching her neck. "I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident. If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

I paused and waited. And yet, she continued to say nothing as I thought, anxiously, of all of the things that she could say to me.

Finally, I asked, "Are you scared?"

Again, another moment passed.

"No. I'm fine." She sounded honest.

Something had me curious, though. I know everything that every male is thinking about her around school. I know what she thinks of the male population _now_, but did she have any lovers back in Phoenix? I am sure that there were males there who thought about her the way Mike or Eric think. Did any catch _her _eye?

"I'm curious now, though. Have you ever…?"

I could feel her cheeks flush from behind her, "Of course not. I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."

"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."

"_Well, for MOST humans they don't. But for Bella, I am almost positive this is a different story."_

"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she sighed contently.

I too felt content. There is nothing that I would want more than to be here with her. It was nice to know that her and I share some similarities.

"That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least."

I smiled, knowing that not much could damper my feelings.

"Your humans instincts…" She waited till she found the right words, "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way, at all?"

I smiled; she could always see the forest, but never the smaller pictures inside of the forest.

I chuckled, "I may not be a human, but I am a man."

I knew that she was getting tired before she yawned, "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep." How long did humans need to sleep?

She thought about it, "I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" She said a little loudly, though I kept my thoughts on Charlie.

Then I started to sing to her her lullaby. It was a peaceful melody for a peaceful scene.


	26. The Cullens Part 1

Chapter 15: The Cullens starts on page 312. Sorry I have not written in a while; craziness has struck again. I hope that all of my wonderful readers and fans will like this chapter as many else have like the last twenty-something chapters. And I sped through this chapter (Just a little) so there may be a few more errors than usual.

Bella looked peaceful as I sat beside her, running a hand through her hair. She hardly spoke tonight; something I was not expecting.

But I stopped myself when she started to whisper my name. I smiled and sat back down on her bed; I did not want to miss a thing as her face relaxed once she felt my cold fingertips running down her hair.

"Edward, stay… please."

How silly of her, even in her dreams she wishes me to stay near her. How could I even fathom to leave her now?

Now that she knows all of my secrets and I know how she feels about me, how could I ever willingly leave this gorgeous, caring person?

I know it is incredibly dangerous, but I want her to meet my family. Not just meet them as 'The Cullens', but see them for who they are.

Will she scream? Will she be frightened?

My gaze softened as she spoke my name.

Or will she be unafraid of who we are just like she was earlier?

"Edward, stay. I love you, please stay."

My breathing stopped.

"I love you."

Was I positive with what I had just heard? She said she loved me as she asked me to stay.

Were there even words to describe what I was feeling right now? It was like a balloon that rose and continued to fly. No matter what turbulence it went through, no matter how high it went, it still kept floating until it reached the heavens.

Someone could tell me that I have only a few seconds to live, or that the world would explode in just a matter of days, and yet…

Nothing would make me come out of this feeling of floating. Right now I just wanted to enjoy the moment while I could before I returned home.

How long had she felt this feeling for me? How could I have not seen it?

My dead body felt very warm right now; it was as if her words had given my body the will to _live_ again. All I wanted to do right now was to stay beside her as she slept and when she woke up.

But I had to prepare my family for Bella's arrival. They ought to know that I wanted to bring Bella even further into our world. Though some might not be happy, I could not think of anyone as amazing who would treat my family as her own.

After all this time, I still wondered where the screams were. Where was the terror? The angst? The promising to never see a monster like me again?

Shouldn't there be something rather than nothing?

So far Bella has wandered down the road least expected by me. Most humans would have been frightened; they _have_ been frightened just by the mere inhumane sight of us.

Bella has not flinched, has not back away, has not pushed me away.

No, she only wants more of what I want to give her: A piece of myself, a piece of my life, my hopes, my family… and my fears.

I am always afraid that she will wake up one day and see a monster standing before her. Maybe one day she will and she will fall in love with someone like _Mike Newton_.

But right now, I'd just like to sit down and watch this sleeping beauty sleep.

Bella was in deep sleep by the time that I left so I know that the best had been saved for the last. I ran back to my home where Carlisle was undoubtedly waiting for me in his office: Alice had told him.

She sat waiting for me on the steps, "_Sorry, I figured I'd let you tell him the details."_

I nodded to her and called Carlisle and everyone downstairs into the dining room. Once again, we all took our seats in our appropriate seats; Carlisle at the head, Esme next to him on his right, I on his left, Alice to my right, Jasper to hers, and Emmett and Rosalie on the opposite side.

I wasted no time getting to business; they needed to know. "I am sorry for calling you here, but I wanted to get your… opinion on something that I would like to have happen tomorrow."

Jasper furrowed his brow, "What's happening tomorrow?"

"I would like to ask Bella to meet my family."

A hiss escaped from Rosalie's mouth, "You want to bring a _human_ over here? To what, have tea with us?"

Rosalie's thoughts were solely placed on one thing.

"_I'd rather bite her head off then have her come here."_

"You know that I will stop you if you try to harm her." I reminded her. "And I was not asking for your permission, though your acceptance will help. I think it is about time Bella sees us for what we _really_ are. If she is going to be a constant part of my life, she should at least meet my family."

Like any other family meeting, the family was divided into two. Carlisle thought that this opportunity would help Bella get to know us better, not to mention make her feel more comfortable around us; Esme felt nothing but _joy_ by the mere mention that Bella would come over here. All she has ever wanted was for me to find someone like Bella to light up the dark tunnel. Alice was pleased with how the events were turning out, she could see that Bella was going to come over here tomorrow. Emmett felt relaxed; he wanted to scare her and tease her a bit; he found it hilarious that she was not scared by the mere fact that I could rip her head off any moment. Rosalie was raging on the inside; though she wanted nothing to do with Bella, she would not harm her as long as she was far away. And Jasper…

A snarl escaped from my lips. Jasper would be a different situation.

"You will _not_ touch Bella. If you have to stay away from her, then fine. But you will not lay a hand on her, understood?"


End file.
